daveed and emmy oneshots

you know i love you, right?

A tear crept down the smooth ridge of her cheek as she stared at the illuminated screen in front of her. An email full of mailing lists, Sephora reward points, and the random restaurant promos, but nothing that was of any worth to her. Nothing. As always it was empty. Empty as it had been for the last 6 months.

She did this everyday. Everyday she'd sit atop their bed and cry at her vacant inbox, longing for something, even the smallest of opportunities to come up.

But nothing ever did. 182 days she'd do this routine. 182 days she cried morning, noon, and night over a dream stolen from her. Her livelihood gone in an instant with no viewpoint of return. Everything she had worked for, everything she had wanted for so long was over, but she kept checking. Checking to see if her agent would send her an audition. Checking to see if any commercials were filming that just needed a body. Checking for anything.

In 182 days she'd figured she'd find something. And it wasn't completely untrue, she was able to be a body, an extra or a meaningless, unheard character in a production. That however is where the totem ended, where the ladder broke off. There's no moving up for someone who couldn't speak. Speaking roles were out of the question, and singing? Singing professionally was something she'd never live again.

It was over, and she was still working through it. Working through how to cope with being silenced when she wanted nothing more than to yell. Working through how everything could end so quickly. Working through her new normal.

An infection that resulted in chronic laryngitis and permanent inflammation to her vocal cords left her with half a voice. A strained, viciously hoarse voice that barely registered above an audible volume.

Just as she was mustering the strength to withhold from slamming the lid of her laptop, she heard a push come from the other side of the door. The door slid open and her husband walked into the room.

He smiled at her and climbed in bed next to her. Over the last nearly 200 days, he had been right next to her in routine. Not facing the same pain, not carrying his own vacant mailbox, but there as a comfort, a shoulder to lean on.

She knew it broke him to see her torture herself day after day but it wasn't something she could fix. It broke her to break him, but through the circle of pain, she didn't know how to give up. She couldn't let go of the piece of what she once had. Nothing could prepare her to finally let go, to finally accept what had happened to her, and she didn't know if anything ever would.

He was an actor as well, and everyday he went to work he left her at home. That was another path they were still in the midst of navigating. An entire dynamic change between them, not only health wise, not only with him becoming her caregiver, but with a complete change in roles, work wise.

Before, they operated as equals. And just between them, they still were. Nothing would ever change how they valued each other, no outside factor could make one see each other as higher than the other. However, there was a surface level shift with only one of them bringing in an income. For Emmy, It had been hard to get over the mountain of feeling like she wasn't contributing to their whole, and to this day she was still climbing. Daveed was constantly trying to help her cope, constantly reassuring that job or no job, she was needed and valued, and that without her, he wouldn't be himself.

"Hey Em," he said sympathetically, his eyes scanning her cheeks that were still moist. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. The laptop was still open which only further confirmed what he already knew, and he just let her rest her head, hoping he could be some form of support.

Daveed was her rock, often times the only thing she could lean on to remain upright. Through the days and nights in the hospital, he kept a constant eye, on her, on her monitors, everything. He'd studied the numbers, studied the beats, memorized all signs of any form of distress, all just to be sure she was ok. He didn't sleep much then nor afterwards, weeks of his life he spent exhausted, caring for her in any and every way he could. He had been constantly moving in a limbo of horror never knowing when things could take a turn for the worst.