This Is What A Broken Heart Feels Like

Chapter Twenty One: Recovery

*Two days later*

Toni's POV:

I was released from the hospital yesterday. News broke that the highschool star halfback was home now. Everyone in town celebrated my return. I was happy to be back but I was still trying to get over the fear consuming me. I went back to my trailer despite everyone telling me that was a bad idea. 

Ronnie would come over everyday before and after school to check on me. I never slept in my room. Still too scared to open that wound again. I knew I would eventually have to do something with all of Cheryl's stuff but now was not the time for that.

I was sitting in the dark, having a drink while taking some of the pills I had stocked up. My mom was addicted to these things and I knew why. It numbed all of the pain, inside and out. I have PTSD. I mean I've had it my whole life but it was back with a vengeance. I was becoming paranoid of my uncle coming back even though he's dead. I was too scared to leave out the door, knowing that I could be taken again. I was fried, mentally emotionally physically. I knew I should probably talk to someone. Melissa had offered to take me to therapy a few times already but I wasn't ready to talk about it like it was over when it's not. It's far from over. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts when a loud knocked echoed through my home. I was terrified to open it. I grabbed my gun that has been by my side since I've been back. I slowly opened the door, revealing Ronnie and the girls. She immediately noticed my gun, "Toni what the fuck are you doing with that??" Ronnie asked as I let them in. 

"It's to protect me." I simply said. I haven't slept since I was released from the hospital. I was too scared to close my eyes, knowing I would have nightmares. I haven't showered since then either. I spent all day drinking, taking pain pills and waiting for someone to come for me. It was a horrible way to live but I wanted to be ready. Everyone looked around my trailer. They noticed the empty bottles on the floor, both alcohol and pill bottles. 

"What is all of this? Have you been drinking again? Toni I thought we were talking about these kinds of things. You promised..." Ronnie said, picking up my bottles and throwing them on the table in my kitchen. "I'm sorry ok? I'm coping the way I know best. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't shower. They help take the edge off so I can function without fear consuming every part of me. It helps turn it off..." I said as the sat around me. "I can't breath like I used to. I'm paranoid my uncle's going to come back even tho he's dead. I'm scared whoever took me is going to come back and do it again. I'm scared to go to school. I'm scared to even open my door. I'm trying ok? but this isn't easy and I can't shake the feeling that this is just the beginning." I finished and everyone was silent. They knew I was right.

They spent the night here with me. All of sleeping in my living room. I had two air mattresses that the girls were sleeping on and Ronnie was sleeping on the couch next to me. I still couldn't sleep. I was watching my girlfriend sleep when I seen a shadow cross in front of my window. I got up to look, grabbing my gun. The shadow was trying to see in and I noticed the figure. It was them. All the fear in my body was replaced with anger. 

I slowly opened the door, getting myself ready to shoot. The person was shorter than me and had their back to me. I slowly creeped down the steps, taking my gun off safety. I aimed the gun, walking closer. I was close behind them when I cocked the gun, putting it to their back. "Don't move or I swear to god, I'll blow your shit away right now." I told them. They put their hands up and turned to face me. I didn't recognize who they were. They had a black hoodie on with the hood pulled over their head. I couldn't see their face. "We're going to go inside now. If you try anything, I have a full clip and another in my pocket. Don't let this be your last night." I told them as I grabbed their arm, pulling them in front of me, placing my gun into their back and pushing them up the steps.