THE RIGHT CHOICE

Confused Much

Kelly proverb

Walking out of his office made me feels so cold I felt so warm on his lap .I can't deny I feel something for him , I have been denying it for so long that it just gets  exhausting.   went to my office and just sat there rethinking every moment, the mixed feelings I have . Would I have kissed him if Fred had not walked through that door,Do I want to kiss him? Whenever we kissed publically it would be a light kiss some would even say it's more of a peck . One thing am sure of is ,  I don't want to hurt him , it kills me just  thinking  of hurting him . Since my relationship with Jack , am scared of even trying again , terrified of hurting again and scared of being let down .

Afraid of, if  it were to happen again it would destroy me completely,  am not as strong as Noel . Kelly , I came back to reality to find Michelle in my office. Hey , you look like you have just relieved your worst nightmare,  what's up ? Michelle and I have grown pretty close in the last five months I always find myself sharing with her most . She knows everything about the guys and my relationship with Jack ,She also knows how it ended and she had alot to say about Jack and Vanessa.  Is it about Jack since I haven't heard you talking about him for months.  I haven't talked about him because I haven't thought of him , am busy with the investigation,  mending my relationship with you guys , building new friendship , with the kids and Noel . Noel is doing something to me Michelle,  something that always leaves me more and more confused.  What , did he hurt you ? She had her attack mood on . No , God never , with that she relaxes .You do know he has been quite distance with me ? Who doesn't know , you wouldn't stop complaining  about that especially to me Kelly . Today I decided to take lunch to him ,he hasn't been eating lunch for the past two days, And ,Michelle urges me . Well he refused eating claiming he wasn't hungry so I did what mom always does when we refuse to eat .You.  Fed. Him , I just nodded and you haven't heard the worst part , She gave me the eyes . While sitting on his lap .

What, I mean I have found you two doing strange things like the resting your heads on each other but after you explained It I  kind of understood, but sitting on his lap ... I don't even do that with my boyfriend Kelly . I know, I was now hiding my guilty face behind my hands then she hit me with a question.  So how did it make you feel ? So , damn good . I felt protected from everything,  I felt emotions I have never felt not even with Jack .Then what's wrong ? Michelle inquired. What's wrong , I repeated it like it was the lamest question she has ever asked me . What's wrong ,is that I don't know what I feel for him and I most certainly don't want to hurt him Michelle , He deserves someone who will always put him first not a confused person like me . Wow! that confused ? Michelle asks. Am scared that I still love ... Jack she finishes for me .Scared to give Noel a chance knowing too good in a few weeks  Jack will come back and so ,Are your feelings towards him , Do you still love Jack ? Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought it would be the hardest question for me . I don't know , three months ago I may have said yes in a heartbeat but now , I don't have that answer. It's okay sweetie she said that hugging me , it's all going to be okay .I almost kissed Noel with that she made sure I was looking at her . What? I just nodded,  if Fred hadn't walked in I don't know what I would have done Michelle . Do you want to kiss him ? I don't know Michelle.  Ever since Kelly told me everything about Jackson I hate that guy with passion and seeing her confused about who she loves makes me feel happy because that means Noel somehow found away to her heart . The question remaining is, does he have a shot here because I have been rooting for this relationship for a long time ,am team K&N .

Kelly have you seen this I handed her my phone.  OMG she screamed.  I watched as she went through the pictures and she loved each one  of them .Who started this Fan club her eyes never moving from the screen.  Fans I guess , She gave me those eyes that say , I know that and that's not what I was asking. I raised my hands in surrender,  I don't know but I know it has been trending in both Kingdoms. 

Michelle left when Noel's Dad walked in ,King Frank  , when he takes a sit and just stares  at me made me feel insecure.  Noel doesn't talk much about his Dad but I do know they have some unresolved issues. I know this comes as a surprise to you .He  speaks .To say the truth it does,  we have met but never got myself in a situation like this having a one on one conversation.  I just wanted to get to know the girl that both my sons talk highly of . The thought of Noel talking about me made me feel special.   I gave him a polite smile .I know you know my son Noel and I aren't in good terms . I just nodded my head . If I still know my son well,he hasn't told you the reason behind that . Forgetting who i was talking to , i went on and on that he doesn't want to tell me his worries,  problems and  when his about to, he somehow manages to shut me out . He nods  in agreement, he told my some funny  stories about Noel and even showed me his Baby Pictures he looked so handsome,  he still does he later on invites me for dinner tomorrow night . He politely also asked me to attend his older son's anniversary and after expressing how happy he was about our conversation  he was gone .Noel's Dad is not perfect but  no one is , I just hope they resolve their issues and get to know each other better . Am on my bed steering at the ceiling Noel left the office early but before that he passed by my office. He walked in my office with a box of chocolate,  he had this epic grin on that would make women turn . I brought this , as a way of thanking you for lunch . Is it weird I crave for his warmth so bad . I walk toward him take the box and muttered my thanks . Looking in his eyes ,they looked so sad , tired and sleepy . I couldn't help it , found myself running my fingers on his cheeks, he  Closes his eyes as if taking in every touch from my hand for a moment we were both silent inches away from each other  . K ,the way he called for me did something in me , Yeah , I urged him . I , he looks  at me for a moment my heart kept beating so fast . Would love for you to come with me to my brothers tomb . He had his eyes trained to our intertwined hands . I would love that,  with that he slowly met my eyes . Thank you after a forehead kiss he was gone . The fact that he invited me to something dear to him made me feel on top of the world and am finally getting him to lower his guards around me .

Who else is loving her confused emotions between the two guys ?