D stands for devil

I dont know how

I can't breathe. I feel frozen. This isn't possible. "Miss me" he asked. "Damon" I asked. This can't be real. "Live in the flesh" he said. "Why are you here" I asked. "To see you" he said. Finally I could speak. "Well I don't want to see you" I said. "Blair" he said. "No go and don't come back" I said then tried shutting the door. "Give me five minutes please" he said. "Why should I" I asked. "You shouldn't but please" he said. "Fine you've got 4 minutes" I said. "Wow it's been a while" he said while looking at me."Thank god for that" I said. "You dyed your hair" he said. I started dying my hair black last year. "Yeah I did" I said. "You've been okay" he asked. "Yes" I replied dryly. "Look I know you hate me but" he started to say. "Why are you here" I snapped. "For you" he said. "For me" I laughed. "Look I had shit to deal with and I fucked up I know but I've changed I'm not that person anymore" he said. "Yeah I've heard it all before" I said. "Blair honestly I was a fucked up kid but I'm better now I can be better for you now" he said. "What's your goal here" I asked. "I still love you" he said. "God your such a fucking liar" I snapped. "Blair" he said with wide eyes. "Yeah I said it your a fucking liar" I said. "I'm not lying Blair I've spent a lot of time trying to be better and I am now no bullshit" he said. "Come on your a better actor then that" I laughed. "I'm so sorry for everything" he said with tears in his eyes. "Are you gonna cry really what is this fucking titanic" I asked. "I love you so fucking much and I know I don't have shit to show for it but if you let me in again I'll prove it" he begged. "I have no sympathy for the devil. You ruined us. You can't blame anyone but yourself and trust me when I saw what I felt for you is so far in my past I can't even remember a time that I loved you" I snapped. "I can be a better man for you" he said. "Right" I said. "I just want" he started to say. "What You wanna fuck me? You want to show me how much you missed me, show me how much you want me. Is that what you came here to do?" I asked. "No" he said. "you thought after four years you could say some deep bullshit and I'd let you rail me" I yelled. "That's not what I came here to do" he said. "But you want to have sex to you want to make up for those years missed" I asked. I'm inches away from him. "Blair" he said as he got closer. He leaned down to kiss me ."Not even in your fucking dreams" I snapped as I moved away. "How can I prove it" he asked. "You don't have to prove anything it won't change anything" i said. "Why" he asked. I simply held up my hand letting him see my ring. "Your married" he asked looking sick. "Engaged" I said. "Oh" he said. "Lucas" he asked. "Yeah" I said. "When did you two get back together" he asked. I'm about to have a field day with his emotions. Pay back. "A few months after James and I broke up" I stated. "James" he asked. "Yeah James" I said. "You two dated" he asked. "Casually" I said. "For how long" he asked. "Three months" I said. "Why'd you break up" he asked. "He's not the one for me but the sex was great he's an Exceptional fuck" I said. Damon looked like he was going to be sick. "You two" he asked. "Oh a handful of times" I said with a smile. "Why" he asked. "Why what" I asked. "Did you fuck him to get over me or because you wanted to fuck him" he asked. My smile faded. "Both" I answered. "So you liked him when we were together" he asked. "No everything that happened on my end was a long time after you and I broke up" I said. "Oh" he answered. "Yeah your the one who cheated not me" I said. "Blair I'm so sorry" he said. "Just go I don't feel like talking anymore" I said. "Blair please" he begged. "I said get out" I snapped. I pushed him out the door and slammed it in his face.

I sat on the other side of the door trying to figure out what just happened. All the feelings I pushed away for years are now coming back. It hurts. Everything hurts just as bad as it did 4 years ago. I began to cry. I can't stop. I don't know how I'll ever stop.

Misery. I never knew it could be so soul shattering.