Could it be
feeling vaguely as though you're living someone else's life, like someone else entirely is controlling your brain, or like everything you do is not real?
Could it be
having to ask a question a million times and then needing to write down the answer and read it over and over again, for you to even be able to bring yourself to do it, in fear of doing it wrong or doing what you're not supposed to at all?
Could it be
feeling like a ghost for days on end, pinching yourself to reassure, even though you logically you know you're really here?
Could it be
wishing you weren't real, that you were never created or that you could end it right now, to avoid the normality of everyday stress that everyone endures with stride, only you taking it so seriously and to heart?
Could it be
feeling like someone is your whole world - your whole reason for even existing - one minute, and then the next, feeling vile, purely irrational feelings towards them, like wishing them dead though you wouldn't ever want that?
Could it be
feeling like you're on the edge of a cliff everytime a friend, family member, or lover doesn't text you back within a certain amount of time, and falling into a depressive state for days even after you get that response?
Could it be
cringing, panicking, crumbling and recoiling at the all too casual and dull tone of someone returning a compliment or showing affection?
Could it be
reading a simple "hi" the wrong way, with the wrong tone, the wrong feelings, and assuming they don't love you because they capitalized the H or added a period?
Could it be
crying yourself to sleep at night, shuddering and trembling with a pain meant for that of a heartbreak or the loss of a loved one, and praying to whoever might be listening that you don't wake up?
Could it be
wrapping your arms around yourself to hold your pieces together, feeling chronically anxious any time you're in public, or tripping over your own feet on the way to the printer because you forgot to say goodnight so now they must hate you?
Could it be
feeling the urge to distance yourself from everyone you love so that you're not so attached and codependent anymore?
Could it be
that I'm just not meant for this reality, that I'm late for a life somewhere else?
Could it be that I simply don't belong here at all?
YOU ARE READING
Love & Disquietude
PoetryTW: Includes mentions/themes of self-harm, death & mental illness. Here is a collection of my free verse poetry. These poems have - for the most part - romantic, nostalgic, and melancholy themes. This is all very personal and meaningful to me, so p...
