Love & Disquietude

Wondering about Peace

I wonder what peace feels like

is it freeing?

is it moral?

is it nostalgic?

is it part of my script?

does it feel as though

you're floating on a river of clouds

that holds your weight with ease

and leads you toward

ultimate salvation?

does it feel as if

every piece of nature

has come forward

to embrace you

with tranquility and fluidity

and give to you

the gift

of final restfulness?

I think I've lost track of my peace

if I ever had it at all;

as the end of humanity approaches

and we near extinction

and the ice is set on fire

and my brain is slowly broiled

I can't help but feel a numbness

which is empathetic in its own way;

I would like to care

but it seems as though I've bigger things to worry about

even if these two things pale in comparison

on the scale of importance;

I should be happy

I should be fine

I should smile and laugh all the damn time

because I have all the essentials

and then a bit more

but still i can only fake it

for I can feel my organs corrode

as they rot inside of my broken body;

I pray always to be emotionless

and when I am, I feel grateful

but now, laying here, numb and dissociated

I feel an inch of guilt

for not grinning at that compliment

and for pausing this music although it is enjoyable

but then again

this is what I wanted;

the world as we know it

it's nothing but a lie

created by untrue creatures

trying desperately to survive

as I am;

I am constantly wondering

if anything I've felt

has been real

or if it is but a tale floating in the wind;

all I know is anger

that, at least, is true;

at times

I am overcome