A Little Help Along The Way

the aftermath of serendipity

Gerard sat in the red plastic chair besides Taylor's bed. She'd not stirred for fourty minutes. Neither had Gerard. He stayed by her side from the moment she passed out.

Truth was, Gerard felt terrible. The guilt was consuming him whole. It never fully occurred to him just how confusing and upsetting the situation was to Taylor. 

Mikey, Ray and Frank had gone home a while ago, they wanted Gerard to go with them. He was tired and worn out, but he refused. He was determined not to leave her alone. 

He looked up from the floor and stretched his legs. His knees felt stiff from sitting for so long. He could really do with a cigarette right now. Although, when he felt in his pockets, all he found was a scrunched up receipt and lint.

He'd left his lighter and cigarettes in the car. But, even if he did have a cigarette with him, he couldn't find it in himself to leave her right now.

Trying to distract his mind he focused on the view out the window. The street was quiet from what he could see. The lunch time bustle had subsided and the low hum of passing cars reached his ears.

It was late February and the month was was starting to transition into March. The sky was a dull blue, the after affects of winter still hadn't faded. Even though March marked the beginning of spring, New Jersey always struggled to shake the clinging hands of winter chill.

He reached forward towards Taylor's blanket and pulled it over her shoulders. He didn't want her to be cold. 

Brushing the stray strands out her face he sighed. Today did not go as he hoped. 

"She speaks highly of you y'know" 

Gerard turned to the voice coming from behind him. It was the same kid he spoke to earlier when Taylor was missing. 

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice was gravelly. He was tired. 

"She didn't talk much about you" Quinn continued from their hospital bed "I think it hurt her a bit to talk about you, but when she did it was always positive"  

It only drove the knife deeper into Gerard's stomach. Curious, he asked "What did she say?" 

Quinn hesitated. "Well- she didn't mention what happened before she met you, I got the vibe it wasn't good. But I remember once, she said how you made her feel like she had a home" 

A twang of guilt hit Gerard in between his eyes and from there it spread over his whole body. Every inch of him felt like it was burning up. He couldnt hear this right now. It hurt too much. 
There was no one he could blame it on this time. 

"Oh" was the only thing he could muster. 

"I'm Quinn, by the way" They introduced themselves. "Taylor's hospital friend" 

"Gerard-" he nodded at Quinn.
 "we're close" was what he decided on saying. 

Something in Gerard wasn't allowing him to admit the truth, partly guilt, mostly the fact that he'd buried it for so long, it would take time for him to unlearn it. 

Quinn didn't say anything else, but rather just accepted and understood that Gerard was tired and didn't feel like talking. 

The two disengaged and both went back into their own worlds. Quinn engrossed in their book and Gerard lost in his thoughts, staring at his shoelaces. 

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, he was beginning to wonder if he should just go home and come back tomorrow. He was so tired, the few months he'd spent on the bus was cramped and full of sleepless nights. All he wanted was to fall asleep in his own bed and drift into a deep, dreamless state 

The idea was snatched from his head as Taylor stirred from her hospital bed.

 He rose from the red plastic chair to stand beside her, the joints of his knees clicking. He looked down and brushed his thumb under her eye as they squinted at his blurry outline 

Her eyes opened and focused on Gerard looking down at her, a mix of concern and guilt strewn across his face. 

"Hey there" he whispered "gave me quite a scare back then"

Taylor seemed to study his face for a second. As if trying to dicern between his expressions. Then she scrunched up her nose and frowned.

"My head hurts" she croaked, her voice cutting out from how dry her throat was. 

"I should think so" Gerard joked. He was trying to sound light but it had frightened him when she fell.

"I hit the floor pretty hard" 

He nodded. "It looked sore, you sure you're okay?" 

Taylor cleared her throat, then winced "Yeah I think I'm fine"  

She broke away from his sight and glimpsed at the empty chairs around her. 

"Where's everyone else?" 

"They went home" Gerard answered softly. "I don't think the guys have fully recovered from sleeping in bunks for that long, probably still tired" 

Taylor nodded. "Are you tired?" 

"No, I'm good for now" he lied. 

Gerard was still standing next to her bed with his hands grasping the metal railing, the skin around his knuckles had gone tight as he struggled to stop himself from sitting down again. His legs ached and his neck was stiff.

"You sure?" Taylor asked again. "You look worn out"

Gerard nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll sleep when I get home."

There was a nagging tension in the air. An obvious point they were both avoiding, both too unsure to make the first move. 

On a whimsy of faith Gerard unstuck the breath in his throat and said the words that had been caught at the back of his mouth for so long

"I- I'm sorry, Tay" Gerard said with a heavy breath. His stomach twisted as he watched her eyes dart away from him

Her face hardened, anger built up in her as she thought about the ten years she was forced to struggle through. She wanted to be angry at him. She wanted it more than anything in the world.

But her anger soon simmered to tears. Overflowing and uncontrollable. 

The mask broke and for the first time since Gerard arrived he saw how hurt she felt. 

"Did you know?" She asked, her voice barely audible. 

Gerard frowned. "Know what?" 

"Did you know how-" she trailed off trying to think of the right word "-how terrible she was going to be when you left?" 

His blood seemed to run cold. He honestly didn't expect Ruby's abuse to go past verbal.

"No" He answered truthfully, shaking his head. 

Tears ran down her face and made the corners of her eyes shine.

"Ten years." she struggled to stop her voice from quivering. 

Taylor was determined not to let Gerard know how much it hurt when he left. She was so young. One day she had a dad, who loved her and the next morning, him and all his stuff was gone. 

"I know" Gerard's voice was brittle. He bent down to hug her. She didn't protest and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

"I'm so sorry" he said, squeezing his eyes shut 

She only clung onto him tighter. "P-Please" she begged, she couldn't even get through a sentence. 

"What is it?" He asked softly 

"Never leave again" 

He was glad that Taylor couldn't see him.
Afterall, we hug to hide our faces. 

Gerard placed his hand on the back of her head and held onto her tight. "I won't leave. Not again." 

A/N
Sry its a bit short, been suuuuper busy xx