Harry Potter And The Champion's Champion

Alternate ending

Disclaimer: Still do not own Harry Potter. I did take some direct verbiage from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for this chapter.

A/N: Alternate ending for this story.

Okay, this ending sounded funny when I thought of it, but now that I've written it, not so much. But I'm posting it anyway because there are a couple of funny moments.

The following occurred a few days after Harry and Hermione started having fun in the Room of Requirements.

As Voldemort slowly recovered from another night of agonizing joy and happiness as Harry Potter and his mudblood shagged once more, he knew he had to do something or the body he now had would expire from the suffering long before he was to be resurrected by Potter's blood. Long, deep breaths finally allowed him to regain some control over the shakes that still coursed through his body. By drawing on his Occlumency and Legilimency, he started to tentatively explore the connection he shared with the Boy-Who-Lived. It was a slow process as Voldemort feared what might happen if he were hit by another happiness blast while his mind was actively exploring the connection. Soon, he had his answer though.

'A part of my soul?' Riddle thought. 'In Potter's mind? How can that be?'

Tom Riddle, being the ultra-brilliant super villain he was, quickly figured out what had happened that night all those years ago when he had tried to kill the child. As he sat in his Evil Villain Restoration Module, he contemplated this discovery. He feared that Potter might be able to use the connection to discover his plans or discover his servants at Hogwarts. He turned to his faithful… err, available follower. "Wormtail, I need a book."

"Yes, My Lord." Wormtail replied. "Shall it be 'The Hobbit' again?" He asked as he reached for the well-worn book.

"No," the Dark Lord thingy said, but then reconsidered since he seemed to be drawn to stories about little people. "Well, maybe later, but right now I need you to find a copy of 'Problematic Potions of the Past' for me."

"Yes, My Lord." Wormtail replied and hurried off.

"POTIONS!" Voldemort screamed a while later after Wormtail handed him a book. "'PROBLEMATIC POTIONS OF THE PAST' YOU IMBECILE! NOT 'PROBLEMATIC PETUNIAS OF PERU'! Can't you do anything right? CRUCIO CRUCIO CRUCIO!"

The faithful… err, available Death Eater was finally able to retrieve the correct book after only two more tries.

Voldemort flipped through the pages of the book to a section near the end. His fingers ran down the page of 'Purgatorial Purification Panacea'. A potion guaranteed to remove all darkness from a body.

"Let's see, unicorn saliva from a sick unicorn, sunflower petals picked at noon, ground tooth of a snow leopard, blood of a magical virgin of at least thirty years of age... the saliva, tooth and petals aren't a problem but it could take me forever to find a thirty year old virgin..." Voldemort murmured to himself. His eyes left the page as he watched Wormtail for a few seconds. "Well, it doesn't say it had to be a female virgin… Wormtail I'm going to need some of your blood."

It took a week, but finally Voldemort coached the faithful… err, available servant into making the potion correctly.

As Tom Riddle eyed the setting sun nervously, he turned to Wormtail and handed him the small bottle of potion. "Get this to Crouch immediately and tell him Potter must take it… AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!" Voldemort finished with a scream as an all too familiar pleasant sensation came over him. Through the pain he complained, "It's too early… What did they do? Skip dinner? DAMN YOU POTTER AND YOUR VIRILITY!" His eyes rolled into the back of his head once again as he collapsed in his play…Psychopathic Entity Net Enclosed Lair.