UNLEARN // CTH

6

A reminder of how cal looks in this fic
A/n before  we get started with this book I wanted to say a quick thank you to No_Shame_Angel for giving my book a little more recognition!

This chapter contains a slight Trigger Warning of Panic Attacks, please read carefully if you start feeling symptoms of a panic attack Stop reading, there is a trigger right before the scene.

Octavia's POV

Luke came over because he had some lyrics he forgot he wrote about a year ago and wanted to continue it. We had forgotten about the basket of goodies long ago and I'm glad Luke respected that as he silently changed the subject to a more light-hearted one.

It had been three hours since he came over and we had acquired two more friends about an hour and a half ago when Michael said he was bored and Ashton was bothering him for brunch. We invited him over and not even five minutes later Ash was blowing up my phone for brunch.

So now we're in my room joking around while trying to finish writing the lyrics to this song.

"Okay so on the second half of the first verse can you do a run on 'work it out.'" I laugh out as Michael is mimicking Ashton behind his back.

Ashton turns around to catch Michael in the act which causes the two of us to burst into laughter "fuck off mate." Ashton scolds while giggling.

"Okay okay, seriously Mikey stop, we seriously need to work on this," I say after recovering from laughing so hard.

Michael is such a breath of fresh air when working with the boys, sometimes they can get super serious and focus too much, which causes us to hardly have breaks. Michael is that balance between work and fun. He's like the little brother everyone loves.

"Yeah, sorry." He says as he plops down and looks to his phone most likely to distract himself with a game.

"Anyways, can you sing what we have already so I can put the drums to it?" I ask Luke as I pull out my drum beat pad.

He simply nods and continues to go through the lyrics, I shift towards Ashton to show him what I'm doing, I get around ten beats in when Ash takes over.

I sit back and let my mind wander as I watch Ashton's fingers tap on the silicon buttons. And although this song is a little more upbeat, Luke's voice never fails to calm me in the most stressful situations.

It's not the music, making music never stresses me out. It's the gift baskets, the flowers, the fear of seeing him in public, the anticipation of his next move, the tears, the screaming, the anxiety, the past, the shit he put me through.

I hate that he has every right to come face to face with me, I hate that he never gives up, I hate him.

My eyes drift to Luke, I study him, how his brows contorted when he hit the high notes, how his Adam's apple moves up and down, he reminds me a lot of someone I used to know. I can't quite pinpoint it though.

TW: panic attack

I can't hear... I can see Luke singing but I can't hear it. I can feel my heart starting to race. I need to step out. I can't feel it, but I get up and leave the room. The first thing I notice is how the blanket Araya used is neatly folded and she's gone. I see the basket, it's blurry now.

I can't feel the tear that slowly falls down my cheek, I can't feel my bones shaking, I can't feel how my chest is rising and falling at a quick pace, I can't feel Luke put his hand on my shoulder.