estranged

6. leon - 13 years ago

6. 13 years ago- leon

"Mrs marie ? i have some questions , if you wouldnt mind. It's um.. It's about my father. More so, what he did to you and all that." i ask. she smiles nervously and fidgets for a minute . "well... i suppose it was good what happened in a way, i appreciate everything a lot more now" she says. I scribble that down in my notebook. "I'm sorry to be intrusive mrs, i really am, i just want to know these things so i can.. Fix them , maybe. Or make it better for the people he did hurt, and so i can make sure not to accidentally do something that would remind them of that." marie smiles again. "You're very thoughtful, leon. Im glad you want to be better then him." i grin and she sighs , trying to remember what happened. "Well..." she murmurs. "It wouldve been after i had james.. A year maybe. We had been looking for your father for weeks at that point Since he had 'disappeared' last, and i was alone one night at our little camp , and.. He kidnapped me.." "D-did he hurt you?" i ask, now very very worried. She was silent for a minute. ".. yes..In a manner of speaking.. He had a prison.. Very deep underground , it was terrible.. All cold and dark.. But, he would return every so often and.. He claimed to know where my little babies were.. And.. and would tell me horrible, horrible things about what he was going to do to them. And.. I cannot explain what that felt like.." I stand in silence, processing all of this. I know my father was a terrible man but i didnt expect this. "I-im sorry, miss" i say quietly, unsure of what else to do. She Ruffles my hair "there's no need to be, that's all in the past, and he was only bluffing. Jonathan and our friends found me , and i escaped without harm."she says. "did he do anything else to you, miss?" i ask. Although i dont really want the answer anymore. "No. but there was rumours about things he did to other prisoners.." she murmurs . "and goodness knows what he did to that poor little boy." she says and shakes her head sadly. I look over at The one she's talking about. Everyone knows that my father attacked him multiple times during the last war, but no one fully knows what happened. He looks about my age, maybe a year or so younger, with shoulder length , fluffy white-blonde hair that sticks up in places. he has medical eyepatch and his face and arms , from what i can see, are covered in bandages and dressings. Everything else is covered up , he's wearing a sweater that's too big for him and long pants, but by far his most interesting feature is the two large wings that stick out from little holes in his sweater, ive always been fascinated with things that are out of the ordinary and would love to interview him about them ,but I've been told to stay away from him for now, apparently anything that reminds him of my father or what he did to him triggers panic attacks, and i would almost definitely remind him. I dont want to put him through that, He's only just gotten out of the hospital again. I know he cant even bear to look at me, and even though i know it's selfish, it still makes me feel bad. I know i cannot change anything that happened, or what it did to people. And i know it is selfish of me to feel this way, but i'm just so lonely. I dont have a single friend and i know things would be different if i didnt look the way i did, i feel like im dangerous, everyone acts like it. I dont want to be dangerous. I dont want to be like him . Marie nudges me "ill get you more work to do, alright?" she asks. I cant stop myself from grinning "o-oh no , you dont have to do that. I mean it'll just be harder for you, i dont want to annoy-" she cuts me off , "nonsense! I know you enjoy it, what's worth more then that? And besides, it is good practice for you." she says. "Thank you, miss!" i squeal. she laughs quietly and smiles at me , "you are very welcome , leon.". I know it's strange but i just love doing work; paperwork to be exact. Ever since i was old enough , Miss Aubrey, our head govener started using me as sort of a secretary , i mean, i know that you're technically not supposed to make children work, but i actually enjoy it. There isnt enough staff here to make everything run smoothly, so I file extra paperwork for her and Eric, our secondary and military governor, and i am due to become some sort of "economic advisor" when im older, which basically means that i'm going to be able to talk at the meetings and sort out money issues in our community, How exiting! I'm already trying extra hard to prove that i am worthy of that role. I snap out of my thoughts when Marie gets up and walks over to aubrey to ask for more work. I wait for her to get back and look around for a while. Aleksander is chatting to his older brother about something and we lock eyes for a minute. He freezes and his brother stops talking and crouches down next to him, then looks over at me and glares. I inhale sharply and fix my gaze at my shoes , my cheeks burning from shame. I can hear him talking to alex hurriedly but i force myself not to listen in on them. Several people notice alex and look over at me as well. i jump as someone puts a hand on my shoulder. Marie sighs and looks over at alexsander before turning back to me, "come on.." she says quietly. "I think we should go" . she takes my hand and leads me away before there is a commotion . i look back over at alexsander one more time and hang my head. Everything is quiet for a while in the car until marie finally breaks the silence with a long sigh. "Things will get better, leon... everyone just needs a bit of time...". "what if it dosent change?" i blurt out, more panicked then i meant to sound. "I promise it'll be ok , leon" marie says quietly, "they just dont know you yet. Just , give people a chance to get to know you and i'm sure you'll have plenty of friends in no time." ". ..Maybe" i mumble. my mind wanders back to aleksander , i would love to be friends with him. But i know that can never happen. As much as i know i am not, and that it's a stupid thought, all of this panic because of me makes me feel like i'm him. I always shake that thought away, but there's a nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me that i'll always be like him, always be a monster.

I wake up, early morning light has covered the end of the bed in a golden glow, i rub my eyes and sigh, sometimes memories hurt more then nightmares. I take some time to shake the silly thoughts out of my head and fumble around for my glasses. Aleksander is still asleep beside me , occasionally making little squeaking sounds , which is basically his version of snoring except it's much cuter. I yawn and squish my face into his feathers again. I wish this could last forever but i must fulfil my role as an adult with a job, so i am forced to reluctantly leave the coziness of our room and start preparing for another day of work.