estranged

12. james

 12. james

Trial number one of my plan to win over russkeritof- aka :the hottest guy in existence :

Russkirotof is going to be a challenge, his father is dangerous, hes big and strong, he lives in the middle of nowhere and he had been taught to hate gay people, which is me, which will be a challenge. Now i am very flamboyantly gay, well i wont prance about all day just because i feel sexually atrracted towards other men, but i am pretty close. I think my best chance is to prove i am nice and will be a good friend and ally, dispite being gay (which isnt a bad thing). Friends first. Figure out boundaries , help him with some stuff, get married, adopt kids. That comes later of course, but it still part of my elaborate plan. Tonight it will begin .Step one : go to his house. Step two: leave some food and a note explaining my reasons for coming. step three: observe from a distance. Step 4: do next plan depending on reaction. Not my best plan ever but its better then nothing. Observation, trial and error. It may just work, if he bans me from the house then i can always talk to him at the meetings. But, ive got to keep in mind that he probably dosent like me the way i like him, and ill probably ruin it if i try to push that, or even act like i like him. We just need to be friends. Maybe if i leave like.. A peace offering beforehand.. My mind drifts back to the broken bottles on his porch before, i saw the logo on one of them, it was vodka. Thats pretty strong but .. maybe he likes it , or his father , or something. I rummage through our alcohol cabinet, where all of the fancy and expensive stuff is stored, for parties and special events and all that. I find a bottle of vodka, a nice big one. Sorry mum, i'll get you another one. I take it and tie a nice ribbon around it. now i just have to write a nice simple note that will get the job done. It takes a while and I have to re-write it about 5 times because i cant figure out how to spell "russkeritof" , but i think i get there eventually. I dont think a note will really do much. It dosent sound right, no matter what i try to write out , but i can keep it in case. But, to be honest, it just seems weird now. it and go back to the just-vodka plan. Im happy with this. Ill have to just wait patiently until it looks like i can leave without getting caught, But in the meantime i should focus on stuff like finishing filling jack's pillowcase with sand, or babysitting charlie. I guess russ really is taking up a lot of my mind. The combination of worry and my intense crush on him is making it hard to think about anything else. Its only a few hours can do that. I can be patient. I can probably just annoy jack a whole bunch until then anyway. Ive got to be really sneaky though, if he found out about me even going into the forest he'd snitch right away, and id be in deep trouble. And charlie is too young to know that doing bad-looking things arent always bad. Like me sneaking out to go see russ. He would tell her too. Micheal wouldn't care either way, but its still best if he dosent know. I keep going over my plan in my head until i get hungry it is pushed aside by thoughts of food. Nothing is quite like food, it makes everything better. Jack is already in the kitchen, he glares at me as soon as i enter . "nice to see you too" i sneer at him and he goes back to making his toast. I peer over the counter at him. He's putting honey and maple syrup on hummus on toast... "What the fuck? Youre disgusting, jack" he glares at me again. "I can eat what i want" "i dont think mum went through 9 months of pain to have a child who eats that. Youre better off starving" i tell him. "Well you could do with a lot of starving, fatty" he retorts. I feel my cheeks go hot. "Im not fat, i have to eat a lot 'cause ive got really fast metabolism. Im literally slimmer then you." i growl. jack scoffs, i want to wring his neck, but i remember that he is making toast like that, so he is obviously brain damaged and needs extra care. I just wish he'd shut up for once though, im not even fat.He knows it gets on my nerves. Even more so cause i know my stress- eating habints are becoming a problem. But its nothing i cant handle. Im sure hed shut up if i threatened to tell mum about all of that secret anime shit hes got in his room. I push past jack and search through the fridge until i find the icecream and sit down on the couch with it. I turn on the tv and start watching the news . theres never really anything on here, so little happens over here, plus whatever does happen always vanishes within a week. Today is much the same. A new road going to be built, car crash, the city falling into anarchy. You know, regular stuff. I finish off the icecream and watch shitty commercials until mum comes home with dinner. Because, i cant complete a secret mission without dinner, obviously.