The Unchronicled Adventures of Ahsoka Tano, Book Seven

Chapter Thirty: Say What You Will

AHSOKA TANO

Lux looked up from his musings as Ahsoka walked into the clearing. He smiled at her, and got up to come say hello. Then he must have noticed her troubled expression. “Ahsoka, what is it? Why the long face?”

“I’ve been thinking about Anakin,” she said simply.

He led her over to the center of the meadow, which was as little more elevated than the rest. He sat down among the glowing flowers, and she lay down with her head in his lap.

“Talk to me.”

This was another one of the many things she loved about Lux. He was technically a little less than a year older than she was, but his maturity level was for the most part that of someone years older. A lot like her. Not to mention that he was really great at giving advice, except on topics in which he had limited experience.

“I feel empty. It’s like I’m thinking about all the wrong things, and somehow, they’re draining me of my energy and my positive emotions. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

“And have you tried to do anything about the emptiness?” he asked her, and began to rub her face and montrals gently. She smiled contentedly, because it was soothing a headache that was beginning to make an appearance around her forehead.

“No,” Ahsoka said softly. “Like I said, I haven’t felt anything like this before in my entire life, and I don’t know what to do about it anymore. I’ve tried meditating on it, but it just makes it worse. I think that Maul has something to do with it.”

“And what did you mean earlier, when said that it’s ‘nice to have a maternal figure in your life instead of being that figure to thirty younglings all the time’?”

“I meant that I need guidance, and I don’t know where to get it. It’s not easy being me.” She looked up at him, and suddenly felt like a little girl again. “I want Padme. She was always like a mother to me.”

“Why do you want Padme?"

“I need a girl – someone older than me – to help me out here. I need that shoulder to lean on. I know I have you, but it’s not exactly the same.” Ahsoka looked down, then closed her eyes.

“It’s like Barriss was before she turned… Dark. With her and Padme, and with Senator Riyo Chuchi, I had the family I wanted. I had Anakin, the awesome older brother, and Obi-Wan, the concerned father figure. But now… I’ve lost almost all of them. You never really miss something until it’s been taken away from you.

“And I can see it now. I was wrong about Padme being alive. It was just foolish hopes and dreams of having that family again. My mind was… playing tricks on me to try to make me feel better.”

Lux just nodded comfortingly, and bent over to kiss her on the forehead. “I understand that, you know. Or part of it, anyway. And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. I know what it’s like to lose your family. My father died in the war, and so did my mother. I went half insane after the first death, and when I became an orphan, revenge pushed me over the edge for a while, until you managed to call me back. You’re not alone.”

She sat up and hugged him. “Thank you, Lux. I just needed someone to listen.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

She took her face out from the crook of his neck, and just looked at him for a moment. She kissed him on the mouth briefly, then snuggled back down. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too,” he said, and just held her.

Ahsoka’s strange feelings hadn’t left her yet, but she felt a little bit lighter inside. She didn’t know why she had been putting this off. It was a blessing from the Force to have someone who would just listen.

*Ahsoka is feeling better, but what's to come will to shake her foundations. If she can't hold on, then will she fall? And what will become of Anakin? The Sith know where he is. If Ahsoka does leave for Tatooine as she has planned, will she arrive in time? You'll find out in the next chapter of The Unchronicled Adventures Of Ahsoka Tano!

Volunteer yourself to be cloned to create a Grand Army for the Republic and may the Force be with you,

Sharron