Epiphany

2 ~ Change

James lent lazily against the window of Flourish and Blotts. He had checked the muggle watch that Remus had given him at least five times, but still he waited. Sirius, Remus and hopefully Peter would meet him, even if they were half an hour late. Plus, while he waited he could people watch, one of his favourite pass-times.

Two witches walked past, stern looks on their faces as they discussed something James assumed was rather serious. One had platinum blonde hair, the other messy black hair. They looked remarkably similar, but he couldn't quite work out where he knew them from. He was just about to approach them to ask who they were, when someone startled him by bursting out of the shop behind him.

"Blimey James, it's like you're following me!" Lily said, picking up the books James had knocked from her hands.

"Well at least I'm not entirely alone." James retorted.

"Friends finally realised what an idiot you are and left you?" She asked.

"They're just late." He replied through his teeth.

A moment of silence passed between them, as they each pretended to ignore each other. This awkwardness had continued ever since James learned of Lily's crush on him in first year, and stupidly decided to tease her for it constantly. It had been worse last year when he had asked her out as a joke, and now the two of them couldn't be in the same room as the other without arguing. Even if he wanted to be civil with her now, he couldn't, simply because he had to preserve his reputation as a maker of mischief.

"How come you're here anyway?" James asked, finally breaking the silence. "Need to buy another copy of every book ever written?"

Lily glared at him as if she were silently cursing him, and for all he knew she was.

"For your information, school's starting soon and unlike some people I actually care about having the correct equipment."

And with that, she turned on her heel and left, angrily clutching her books. James felt slightly guilty, okay a lot guilty, but he had to save face. Leaning back against the shop front, he thought over what Lily said. She was right: he had never cared about school. It was stupid really, considering how much he loved Hogwarts. Maybe he would pay more attention in lessons. Maybe he wouldn't pull pranks all the time.

Or maybe he was thinking over what she had said too much, and he could see Remus and Sirius approaching.

"Hey mates, didn't think you'd make it!" James hugged Sirius and patted Remus on the back.

"Hope you're not too miffed at us, I had some equipment to pick up." Moony apologized.

"Plus, I got a cat!" Sirius announced proudly.

"But aren't you a dog?" James laughed.

"Damn I didn't think of that!" Padfoot immediately starter panicking, "What if it hates me, Moony!?"

"I've heard cats like tearing out your hair." Remus added helpfully.

Whilst Sirius danced around like a nutter, expressing all his worries in colourful language, James took the opportunity to talk to Remus about his letter. Moony had never responded, so it didn't seem like he was interested, but James wanted to check.

"About my letter-" He started.

"No."

"Remus-"

"I'm not doing it." Remus snapped. "Giving up the wolf would be admitting that it's a monster, that I'm a monster, and I won't do that. It took me long enough to accept it James, I can't live through that again."

James stood quietly for a moment, shocked at Remus' harshness, but also shocked at his own idiocy. Of course Moony would see it that way. Of course it was insensitive to ask.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He whispered. Remus turned to him and smiled.

"You meant well Jamie, but I don't need saving from this."