Epiphany

11 ~ Confessions But Not Really

Lily hated parties, the only reason she agreed to attend the Gryffindor Halloween party was because she couldn't find a good excuse in time. Severus was in detention, she had no homework to do and Marlene seemed to think this would be a good chance to set her up with someone. Since Marlene and Dorcas started dating over the summer, Mar had taken it upon herself to get her other friends dates. Apparently, Lily was one of those friends.

She had tried to retreat to the girls dorm, but each time had been thwarted in her escape. So far, six guys had been brought over to try and win over her, all of whom had been sent away almost immediately. Lily glared at the back of Mar's head as she ran off to find another guy. No doubt she would run out of boys in a few hours and move onto girls.

Then the unthinkable happened; Marlene appeared with none other than James Potter at her side. Lily could think of no better moment for a death eater invasion.

"Soooo-" Marlene started, grinning at Lily then back at Potter. From somewhere on the other side of the room, Dorcas loudly faked a cough. "Sorry, my girlfriend needs me!" She pulled Lily into a hug and stage whispered, "I know you two know each other, give him a chance."

Marlene rushed off, leaving Potter and Lily awkwardly staring at each other, Lily's face a bright pink. Actually, why was he here? If he wasn't in detention then-

-Oh God what had she done?

"I'm sorry." She burst out suddenly.

"What for?" Potter laughed, confused.

Well that could be a long list: for embarrasing him by publicly announcing her crush on him, for hating him for teasing her for it since, for escalating the rivalry between him and Severus, for blaming him for everything that Sev does wrong, for hitting him with her book for no reason, for not admitting that she still had a crush on him.

"For this being so awkward." Was what she settled on.

"Yeah." Was Potter's reply.

Not for the first time that evening, Lily wished Severus was there. Not even for his company, just so she could watch them argue instead of standing uncomfortably.

"And for hitting you with a book." She added, after a moment of unbarable silence.

"I think you mean 'for hitting you with a book the size of Hogwarts A History'!" He joked, miming being attacked with a large book.

"It was Hogwarts A History." She admitted.

"That explains the bruising!" James laughed, a real honest laugh, and Lily would be happy never hearing any sound again. For once, she felt like she was a part of... something. Whatever this was.

She looked up at James and, for whatever reason, he shifted uncomfortably. Her heart sank. He still didn't like her. Nothing had changed.

"I should go." Lily said quietly, disappearing into the crowd.

She didn't cry. Not when she finally reached her bed and curled up in her blankets, or even when Marlene came up and asked how it went. No, she didn't cry, because she was Lily Evans.

She should be used to heartbreak.