Evil Awakened (Dare to love #2) (OUAT fanfic)

Chapter 17 (Snow)

Short chapter
"You're horse my lady," Molly says, handing me the reign to my Ava. That's what I names the horse, after my mother. She's got fur as white as Snow and it reminds me of mother, and Johanna. She died years back now, it was really sad for me. She was the last connection I had to my parents. Now I have none.

I quickly blink away the tears that have gathered in my eyes, sighing at the amount I've seemed to cry lately. My children's unhappiness is all my fault and it was easier when I had convinced myself it was for the best. Now I know it was because we were cowards, it's a lot harder to deal with. Facing the bad things you've done is always hard. I'm just not sure I'll ever make up for what I did, for what we did.

"You okay Snow?" David asks, but I ignore him. Since our talk the other evening I have spoke very little to him. Out of anger and out of... I'm not sure really. I just can't. I know it's petty and I will talk to him again soon but I can't right now. "Snow, please talk to me," my husband pleads. "You can't blank me out forever,"

"I know," I say simply, not looking at him. Instead I walk over to Neal, who is frowning. Sadness and anger is present in his eyes, at least he came down to wave us goodbye. William didn't, he's too angry still and rightly so. What we have done to him is unforgivable and it's all my fault. I can never ever make it up to him, no matter what I try.

"Goodbye Neal, we will be back soon," I say, looking at my son gently. He looks up at me and simply nods before actually speaking which shocks me.

"Bye mother," he says, smiling ever so slightly, "I hope everything goes well with Emma," and I can tell what he really means is: please bring Emma back home. Honestly, I hope it happens but I doubt it will.

It wasn't that simple for Regina. It took a banishing her to another land to stop her. There was no redemption. I really hope that it's not that way for Emma because if it is...

"I'm sorry Neal, for everything," I apologise for what seems the thousandth time.

"I know," he simply states, "But I can't forgive you, I stand my my brother," and despite the clear anger I can't help but smile at the love he has for his brother. It's sweet, it really is. Talking of him I look up to Williams window where he stands, glaring at us. He didn't bother to come down which is fair enough but it still hurts. The look he gives us hurts because we have turned another child against us.

"Bye Neal, we love you," David says, receiving no reply from our son but instead a small, slightly hesitant, nod.

"Common Snow," my husband sighs, "It's time we set off. The sooner we leave the sooner we get there and the sooner we get there the sooner we can get back home,"

Home. That's a funny word, I though I had a home but I've destroyed it. Until our sons forgive me, until Emma comes back home, until David and I redeem ourselves I will not have a home. I may never have a home again....