Princess of Balbadd (Magi x Reader)

Mourn and Mend

...staring at his hands that recently touched you.

~*~

Back on the mainland, walking the familiar halls of the Sindria Trading Company, you turn towards the offices and see Ja'far coming from the opposite direction. You stiffen as he draws closer.

Ever since finding the boys lost on the last island of your tour, it has been hard to erase the image of Ja'far over a corpse from your mind. To see what he was capable of...what he could do to you even if controlled by some outside force...was frightening. You hoped it wasn't obvious, how during the boat ride back you tried to avoid him as much as possible, if only to try to forget the sight of death.

Even though you shared a cabin, you had gone to lengths to retire first and appear asleep by the time he'd come to bed. You'd lay with your back towards the door, clutching the sword Madaura gave you, trying to feel some semblance of protection. (Fortunately, there were discarded scabbards in the cavern so you were able to fit the sword into one and safely keep it close to you.)

"Greetings, Princess (y/n)," he says cheerfully.

You nod with an attempted smile, trying not to show how nervous his presence makes you now. You hope to keep the exchange brief and continue walking, but he stops in front of you. You try to look lax by popping your hip and placing your hand on the hilt of your sword, like how you had seen Seren do in the past.

"Oh. I see you're still holding onto that sword you got from M-...our voyage," he comments, looking at your rested hand.

Dang, your defensiveness is evident isn't it? "Yeah," you laugh nervously, "It may have been a present from a fake mother..." And one far better than you've ever gotten from your real one. "...but I also got to use it in my first real duel. You boys don't have to worry about me as much because now I can use it to defend myself against threats such as assassins."

His gasp is barely audible but the look of shock on his face is unmistakable. Shoot. Discretion is not your ally today.

You try to amend your statement, "I mean: monsters; beasts; robbers; bad guys..." but it's clear he realizes it's him you are wary of.

"(y/n)..." He holds a hand up, stopping you from fumbling over your words. "I'd..." His upheld fingers twitch as he looks at the ground. "...I'm sorry you had to see me like that...back with Umm Madaura..."

You turn and look out at the courtyard. "It's...not your fault," you try to reason with yourself, "That woman made you act like that."

"Seriously? You think she made me kill her?" Ja'far's voice cracks. He shifts with a sigh, looking outwards beside you. He rests a hand on a pillar and leans into it. "No. All her dark metal vessel did was bring out my true self," he says spitefully, "No matter how much I've tried to cover it up...I'm still an assassin." He then whispers, "I killed my own parents when I was six! Things like that...can't be undone. What happened in that cave...made it obvious."

So that's why he was able to go against her while under her spell. Attempting to be supportive, you say, "Wish I had the guts to go through with that. I have a few family members that some days I'd like to kill." You think of your neglectful mother, your pridefully stupid brother, that woman who stole father away from the rest of the family... "That's pretty admirable you managed that."

"No it's not!" he insists, "I didn't want to kill them. I was forced to." A hand comes up to his face, effectively blocking his eyes from your sight. His voice is strained as he explains, "...It was part of the training in the Sham Lash, to show that one has surpassed their mentors."

"Oh..." So it wasn't him hiding who he really was as much as trying to be a different person than who he was forced to be in the past.

Instincts take over and you put an arm around his shoulders then pull him into a comforting hug. Your hand guides his head to rest on your shoulder. At first he's stiff and awkward in it, but eventually sinks into it, eased by your understanding.