New Beginnings

I Just Always Thought We Would Get Back Together

A/N: Hey guys!! This chapter is a bit longer to make up for my lacking in updating lol. Next chapter probably won't be until the weekend again. Classes finish in a few weeks so I'll be able to write more frequently then. This chapter is about Matt. I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Some angst

It's been a couple days since Ally and Oz spent the night. I really enjoyed going to bed and waking up with Ally by my side. This feels so natural and I've never experienced a relationship like this before. One where it feels the other person actually wants to be with you, not that it's some type of chore to spend time with you. Ally connects with Gabriel and Bellamy so effortlessly well and I completely adore Oz.

The boys are going to their dads this weekend however I still haven't told him I'm dating again, let alone my neighbour. A main reason I didn't want to tell my kids about Ally and I was because I wanted to speak to Matt first. Unfortunately things didn't go as planned but I'm trying not to dwell on the things I can't change. I haven't spoken to Matt about his dating life either. After the divorce we both knew we needed space from another and to distance ourselves from any potential awkward situations like our dating life. It's been about 6 months since we left each other. I moved in with my family for a bit to get myself back on my feet and to have some extra hands helping me with the kids. I then moved here for a fresh start and honestly didn't expect to date so soon.

Matt and I decided he's going to come over today right when I finish work that way the kids are still at school. I told him on the phone that we need to talk and he was more than willing to come over. I assured him it's nothing bad so he didn't have to worry. Even though I only work half days and finish at 1:00, it was absolutely exhausting. When I arrived at work my boss yelled at me, he's such a prick. Speaking about some minor error that could have easily been fixed. Not to mention we have a team that's supposed to catch these errors anyway so it's not all on me. All my meetings dragged on as well. Clients seemed so irritable and my last meeting lasted an extra half hour. I looked at my phone realizing it was 1:45, I told Matt to meet me for 2:00. I quickly call him to let him know I'll be about 15 minutes late because of the drive to get back but he assures me it's fine and he'll just wait in the driveway since he's already left considering he lives out of town.

When driving I reach into my purse quickly grabbing a cigarette out of the small box, along with my pink lighter. I put the cigarette between my teeth, using my other hand to fumble with the lighter and flick it on. I have the radio off, simply reviewing my horrible day and also wondering how this conversation with Matt will go. I sigh as I turn on my street. I see Matt sitting on my porch smiling at me. I let out one more puff of smoke, turn off my car and grab my purse. I step out of the car and give him a smile in return. I walk up to the front door where Matt is and he stands up "hey I'm so sorry about the wait. Work was brutal." Matt hums in response "I'm sorry about that." I give him a weak smile and go to unlock the door. We step inside, taking off our shoes and making our way into the house. I go to the kitchen first "do you want anything to drink? Water? Coffee? Something stronger?" I raise a brow. Matt laughs at my antics "Just a coffee would be great." I smile and make his coffee quickly, while pouring a glass of red wine for myself. I bring the drinks over to the coffee table, then take a seat on the couch, Matt follows, sitting on the opposite end and we turn to face one another.

I take a long swig of my wine, delicately putting it down on the table again. Matt watches me intently, analyzing my every move. He had always been like this when we were together too. Nothing really got past him, even when he wasn't spending time with me and the kids, he'd still observe. I look to his dark brown eyes, getting lost for only a moment and then clearing my throat. "So I just wanted to talk to you about something." I see Matt continue to observe, I'm unable to read his expression. So, I continue "I wasn't really sure where we stood with dating. I know we were together for over 20 years. And neither of us have been in relationships other than with each other. But-" Matt interrupts "you're dating again? That's what you wanted to say wasn't it?" I hear his voice falter towards the end of that sentence, guilt instantly washing over me.

I don't feel guilty that I met Ally. She and Oz are the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I feel guilty that I know Matt doesn't have that right now. I know he's actually been trying to be a good dad, the issue is these efforts would have been so much more beneficial when we were together. Maybe we would never have broken up in the first place. I shake myself out of my thoughts, remembering I was asked a question.

I look at Matt. "I am. And no I didn't search for a relationship. Hell I needed to learn to live without you, without being in a relationship at all. We got together so young, and we both had so much more growing to do. And I don't regret it at all, you gave me two beautiful sons and we did have some great times. I just happened to connect with someone shortly after moving here and I respect you enough to tell you."

Matt's eyes turn glassy. I reach out to hold his hand in mine but he pulls away. I slowly retract my hand placing it in my lap. It's not my job to comfort him anymore, I remind myself. "Y/N, honestly I thought you came here to want to get back together." My eyes widen "Matt how did I give you that impression? We only talk when it comes to the kids and that only when I see you."

Matt sniffles back some tears "I-I know but I thought maybe you were just as miserable as I was without being with you. I thought you needed space so I gave it to you. I thought you'd be happy with how much better I've been with the kids." I sigh "I am so very happy with how you are with them. They love you so much and I love how good you've been with them. But we weren't good with one another. We were always on and off, never on the same page. We had so much more growing to do and it just so happened we didn't work. But that's okay. You'll always be a part of my life, and I yours."

He reaches for my hand and gently squeezes as a tear rolls down his face. He quickly wipes it with his other hand. "I guess I should start to move on huh?" He chuckles. I smile sympathetically.

He continues "I just always thought we would get back together. No matter how long. We've done it before so many times." I nod "I thought that too. But I think this relationship is so much better for us and our kids. We both deserve to really be happy in the moment. Not happy with the idea of who we used to be when we were younger." He nods in understanding.

After some silence he says "so who's the lucky guy?" I laugh "a neighbour I met when we moved. Also she's a girl. She has a son that's friends with Gabriel, they go to school together." I continue "The kids kinda found out about us already and they really like her. I didn't mean for them to find out before you, I'm sorry about that." Matt's demeanour changes.

"You're gay??" I roll my eyes "Matt you've known I was bisexual since high school." Matt scoffs "but you never dated a girl." I raise my voice "why would I when I dated you all that time?! I'm not a fucking cheater despite you always thinking I was" Matt glares at me "so you chose some girl over me??" I stand up "are you fucking kidding me? That has nothing to do with anything!! We. Would. Not. Have. Been. Together. Anyway." Matt stands up too, clenching his fists, knuckles turning white. I walk toward the door to lead him outside to leave. He follows me. I open the door and walk to the porch with Matt behind me.

We're both breathing heavily standing on the porch, my back against the wall by the door. Matt steps closer still trying to regulate his breathing. He takes some deep breaths and unclenches his firsts. I observe. His voice breaks "I'm sorry Y/N" I sigh "It's okay." He moves a few loose strands of hair from my face, gently tucking them behind my ear. He brings his hands to interlock with mine that are resting by my sides. I look at him confused. He leans in, gently brushing our lips together. I quickly move my hands to push him off and my voice comes out just above a whisper "Matt, no." Matt stumbles back "Y/N please." I move closer to the door, "I think you should go now." Matt sighs and goes back to his car. I quickly go into my house, watching from the window as he dives down the street.

What I didn't know was Ally had gotten home early, watching the whole interaction from her porch.