I was driving home listening to some drill music. I hate listening to r&b and girly shit like that because it gets me all in my feelings and thats the last thing I want right now. I finally had gotten home. My mom and dad wasn't here but i heard noises in the living room. I go in and i see my older brother and his friends drinking & smoking.
"Serron, you know mom and dad gon' kill you for smoking marijuana in this house." I tell him. I know he's going to get mad because i said his government name. He sticks to Ron but i like his full name.
He sucks his teeth. "Man what i told you about calling me that! And dad wont mind so I'm good. Go on to yo' room this grown man shit here." He tells me.
"That's wassup but tell ya grown ass friends to stop looking at me like a piece of meat." I said. I went to my room.
I looked over and saw my diary. Fuck it guess I'll starr writing now.
04|03|2015
Dear Diary,
I feel so weird writing in this shit. But if this is the best possible way to express myself then so be it. I just don't know where to start lol. I just wish i could start over with certain things but at the end of the day I shouldn't regret it. I regret meeting one person in particular. I regret meeting Carlos. My parents had moved in this 2 family house during last summer. I didn't really pay it no mind nor the nieghbors. My mom kept telling me about some cute nigga who was the neighbors son. Once again i ain't pay no mind. I was too busy worrying about other shit. Anyways i was outside the house chilling and thats when i saw him and he saw me. My moms was right this nigga was the definition of fine. He wasn't as tall as i like but i didn't mind his looks did all the work for him. Besides, my ass is 5'2 so i know everyone is taller than me. Anyways months passed by we would say wassup to eachother but that was it. I knew it in my gut that he wanted more and i wanted more too. I never feened so much about a guy that i didn't even know. I wanted to know everything and i mean EVERYTHING about him. I realized that if i wanted to get to know him then I should approach him. And i did, i asked him straight up what's his number. He must've been surprised that i did that. Honestly, i was surprised too. I didn't think i have the courage to do that. Im so shy when it comes to guys so i was very proud of myself. Anyways we started texting non-stop. I literally saw him every day during the summer. I couldn't get enough of him. I knew i wasn't in love but i cared about him so much. It was like if i didn't see him my whole day wouldn't be the same. He was like a drug and i was addicted to him. I still am. September came and i was in my junior year. He was acting funny. I confronted him about it numerous times but he always said i was buggin. I did something i would never do. I asked him to be my boyfriend...3 times. He said he don't do relationships. Then i did something else i lost my virginity to him. After that its been sex and arguements then sex again. I dont why i stick around but i do. Hoping that maybe he'll change his mind and be with me but lets be real he won't. I already feel myself getting emotional so ima just stop writing here.
- V.
I stopped writing in my diary and i already felt myself getting emotional. I needed to distract myself. I didn't wanna cry. So i called Chloe.
Chloe: hello?
Me: hey chlo. What you doing boo?
Chloe: im kind of in the middle of something at work right now. Everything okay?
Me: yeah everythings cool, just call me when your not busy.
Chloe: okay bye boo.
Me: bye.
I hung up the phone and called Sasha.
Sasha: what is it V? im kind of busy at work cause this bitch Chloe called out.
Me: really? Cause she told me she was busy at work.
Sasha: well shes lying. I'll call you later okay? I dont wanna take out my attitude on you. Bye V.
Me: bye, feel better.
I sat on my bed realizing i have nothing to do. I wonder why Chloe lied to me about being at work. I bet its nothing anyways. She'll tell me later. I decided to go outside and walk around. It was nice outside and there was nothing to do. As i went outside the door i saw Chloe walking away from my house. Im confused as to why she was around here. I thought she was busy. I ran up to her.
"Yo Chloe!" I yelled out to her.
She turned around and look scared to see me. As if she was hiding something.
"Hey girl! What you about to do?" She asks.
"Im about to walk around. What are you doing around here?" I asked her.
She chuckles and says, " Damn V, i cant go visit a friend?"
"What friend Chloe? Cause you were coming from my house." I tell her.
"Some guy I talk to. Thats why i said i was in the middle of something when you called. I was walking here but decided to walk away cause i didn't know if you were in the mood to talk. I knew by your voice you needed me." Chloe tells me.
Damn now i feel bad. I didn't mean to lash out on her, i just wanted to know why she lied.
"Its cool, you just need to explain that to Sasha." I tell her while chuckling.
"Oh i don't even care about that job no more, she can fire me. FootLocker ain't shit. Now lets go downtown and spend some time together. I miss bestfriend time." She tells me.
Me and Chloe ended up going downtown that day, and even met up with Sasha. Sasha wasn't too pleased with Chloe calling out on her but she got over it. It was a fun, chilled day with my girls. It definitely toook my mind off of things.
