No Job, No Car, No Problem!

Twenty-Something

I need a new mattress.   I’ve slept on a full size bed, yearning for a queen size for at least two years now.  Plus I just got back my tax return and it’s time for me to spoil myself on something.  I have no idea how much a mattress sells for but I think they are awfully pricey.  I’m just going to go across the street to Banner Mattress and have a look.

As I stroll into the store I feel like such an adult.  Buying a brand new mattress is something I can remember my parents doing, and then they would complain for months about how much they had just spent.  But I deserve this.  I merit having an adult bed.

I walk around the store, attempting to act cool.  The last thing I want to be is a pushover.  I will not be talked into a sale by some old man that smells of cigars.  But honestly I have no idea what I am looking for.  Who’s the young, cute guy behind the counter I wonder?  Certainly not the salesman.  He’s far too cute.  Hopefully he doesn’t see me.  I will basically do anything for him to stay behind that counter and leave me alone.  After all, I am just looking.  I am not here to buy and I can make the decision on my own.  Besides it’s very personal buying a mattress and I know I will be embarrassed talking about how I sleep to a man I don’t even know.  I can hear myself now, oh yes sir I would like a mattress that is soft, maybe one so that when I sleep on my side I don’t drool?  One that has, you know, that pillow thingy on top?  That would sound really good!  All the mattresses are white; can’t some be in pink or blue so that the customer can easily spot the differences?  I roam around leaning slightly to use my right hand to push down on each mattress.  They all feel the same.  How on earth am I supposed to do this?

Turning around, the cute counter guy stands directly behind me beaming that salesman smile.  I can feel my face immediately flush three shades of red.  Caught in the act, feeling a mattress, what could be worse?  “So, can I help you with something?”

“Oh no, I’m just looking.  Thanks!”

“Okay, do you know what you are looking for?”  Is it that obvious I haven’t a clue?

“Well, I guess a mattress,” I say, laughing at my own use of words.  “I want one with the pillowed thing on top.  Oh and a queen size please.”  That sounded good.  Why couldn’t I refrain from using the pillowey word?

Chuckling he leads me in the opposite direction.  “Well I noticed you went right to the price but these are actually beds made for children.  They aren’t very comfortable and usually people cover them with the plastic mattress covers.” 

Oh no, now he must think I wet the bed!  How shameful can this be?  “Okay I guess then show me something you think would be appropriate for me please.”

Let the speech begin.  “Well this here is an all natural bed.  It helps people to breathe well, completely allergy free.  Please sit on it!”

I press my hand to it gently, “Oh nice.”

“Really?  That’s how you determine a mattress feels good?  Sit on it.  Bounce up and down a bit.”  Please mattress…don’t leave an imprint of my ass when I stand up.  Sitting delicately I realize that it is very cushiony, quite comfortable as a matter of fact.  “Now this mattress is the Tempurpedic.  It’s amazing!  Two people can sleep at the same time and not even know someone else is in the bed.  This is a great bed for a couple.  Will you be sharing it?”  He must think he’s a comedian too.  “They are rather pricey though and I’m guessing out of your range.”

“Yes, you are correct,” as I dream of sleeping not only in this amazing bed but with someone comfortably beside me.

“These are what we consider the typical adult queen sleepers.  You said you want a pillow top, right?  Well this is a great mattress.  One sided pillow top, you only have to turn it every six months, twenty year warranty.  It’s the same one my friend bought and I personally think it’s the best value in here, but you didn’t hear that from me. Here try it out.”