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Apology Resolution

What is it about the holidays that make us remember the people we have hurt?  Why are so many people terrified to admit that they desire a loving companion every day, not just over the holidays?  People refuse to admit to themselves that they feel lonely.  The thought only seems to occur when they have to go to their company holiday party stag, or be yet again the only single person left at Christmas dinner, or heaven forbid when they don’t have anyone to kiss at the stroke of midnight New Years Eve.  If we all looked inside and admitted that we wanted someone to hold and be with every single day, not just the holidays, wouldn’t we be happier?

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks.  It’s New Years Eve and so far I have heard from five men that have hurt me in the past.  I find each correspondence interesting in different ways.  One was calling to rid himself of guilt.  Another wanted to mention I’d passed through his thoughts that day.  A different one wanted to make sure I didn’t think he was an ass.  Two additional individuals wanted to take a shot at making one last pass at me and finally one just called to hear himself talk since his friends didn’t have the patience to listen to him any longer. 

Thankfully a couple of the great guys I’ve known in my life, but haven’t dated, also called.  They may live too far or always just be a friend, but they still serve as a reminder that good guys do exist!

The first call was from Dick who called to hear himself talk since his friends didn’t have the patience to listen to him any longer.

My cell phone is ringing.  I recollect the number but can’t for the life of me think of whom it belongs to.  It’s close to the New Year.  I should really start answering unknown numbers, since I don’t pass it out freely at the bars anymore.  “Hello?”

“Hey,” a drowned out voice says, “What are you doing?”

“Who is this?”

Sounding a little perturbed the voice replies, “Its Dick, who’d you think it is?”

“Oh…oh hi, what do you want?”  Amazing how when you are over a person your tone changes so drastically.

“Well I haven’t heard from you in awhile so I wanted to see how you’ve been.”

How I’ve been?  Isn’t he the one that was too wasted to even call me back the first time I was hospitalized?  Now he calls out of the blue to ask how I’ve been.  Great mother F’er, just great!  “Look Dick, I didn’t realize it was you calling or I wouldn’t even have answered the phone.”  Here it goes, I’m about to literally flip my lid.  “I’m not interested in being friends, much less acquaintances.  I called you the night after we had lunch and you couldn’t even respect me enough to ask if I was okay.  I had to call 9-1-1!  I was in the hospital for four days.  And now you call to ask how I’ve been?  Not so good Dick!  That’s how I’ve been!”

Dick sighs heavily into the phone.  “Look Jenny, I’m sorry.  I was really out of it and I didn’t even put two and two together that it was you. I thought it was a crazy ex I have in Vegas calling for a pity party.  I know you don’t believe me,” well he’s right about that, “but I swear that is the truth.  I’m sorry I’m such an asshole.  I warned you when we first started seeing each other that I can be self absorbed.”

“Look Dick, I don’t even care what excuse you have to try to justify this.  It’s done, okay?  You call yourself an asshole but it’s only words.  You don’t ever take things seriously and you’ve never once tried to change your selfishness.  You always apologize for being the way you are but it doesn’t justify anything.  Actions speak louder than words and until you start proving that you aren’t just a self absorbed ass, then I really don’t have much to say.”