Lusting for you-completed

Chapter 40

I was left much to myself in the days that followed. I ate and rested mostly abed and otherwise built up on my strength.  But then the day had arrived and my decision had to be made.

Cassie and Damon looked down at me awaiting my final word but I couldn't do it.  I couldn't give Lucian up. Not in my heart.  It would be all I had of him and I wanted it to last forever. 

Foreever wasn't all that long for me. Five years of constant draining of the blood from my system wore me thin. Literally.  I was skin on bones and without the means to stay alive on my own. My dependance on Lucian had been as great as his on me.  His love for me kept me alive.  Drinking his blood almost constantly gave me what I needed to last this long.  But that would be gone now. I could no longer sustain my existence on him. He would no longer be dependent on me either. We would be both free but only one of us would survive that freedom and that wouldn't be me.

" No," I said.  " I want to remember him. I want to remember us. That will at least remind me not to ever lose my heart on someone again, " I said jokingly but no one laughed.

Damon gave me a grim nod before he went out to tell his dad to go ahead. They had kept Lucian hungry all this time. He wouldn't feed on anyone else but me anyhow but this served their purpose.  Starving him made him vulnerable to them. They would breach his mental shields with impunity and rest was easy or so Cassie assured me.

I nodded and waited.

The clock ticking but none of us moving.  We waited together,  Cassie and I for what seemed like hours but then the door to my room opened and Damon came in looking battle worn and haggard.

He gave a pert nod that said it all. But he didn't have to.  I now understood what that leadened feeling was in the vicinity of my chest. Our blood bond was broken. I was no longer Lucian's scion.

They had done it. Lucian remembered me no more. I was no longer his love. He was free of me.

Free to feed from another.

Free to love another.

I felt happy for him. Instead of diminishing, my love for him bloomed a new.

I knew it then that I would die loving him. It was as inevitable as my breathing at all.

I closed my eyes and settled back into my pillows with a sigh. It was all over. Finally over.

"What will you now do?" My eyes flew open in shock. Damon had moved.  No longer was he standing beside his mum but he was instead beside me on my bed.

I stared into the deep blue eyes boring holes in my own and tried not to tremble at his close proximity.

" I..I haven't decided," I said instead trying to draw in a breath without hyperventilating.  Lucian. ..Damon both seem to have this unlikely effect on me but Damon had always kept his distance thus far,  not crowding into my personal space as Lucian was wont to do.

" I want to take you out on a date," he whispered softly shocking me further.

"Not now of course but when you get better. I was too slow in acting once before but now you are free.  Free to be with me. I want you."

He stared into my eyes.  We were only a breath apart now. I moved away and glanced desperately about the room. But Cassie must have been in on this for she was gone.

"I don't understand, " I said almost desperately.  I didn't want this. I couldn't do another relationship like what I had with Lucian.  And even knowing that Damon would be nothing like Lucian.  I loved Lucian and I could never betray him with his own brother. And that is what it came down to.  "I can't!  I can't.  I am sorry, " I said trembling uncontrollably by his side. I didn't understand what was happening.  Why he was saying things like this to me. He was married.  He has a son. He had no business going on dates with me.

I stared up at him hurt and bewildered but I didn't say anything more. His sigh was audible. It was clear he understood.  Understood where I stood. But the tightening of his eyes was frightening. I t was anything but understanding.

"I am sorry.  But I have to do this.  Neither of you will be truely happy unless you both forgot the past," said Damon soothingly as he reached out against my frantic movements to stop him and cupped my face within the palm of each hand. His eyes blinked a flutter away from my own and I tried to look away. I really did.

"No!" I exclaimed hoarsely struggling feebly against him.

"Hushh... sh..shush," he whispered huskily settling his leg across my thrashing frame.

"It needs to be done and you know it," he murmured softly,  his voice a deep rumble that seemed to vibrate through me. I felt it settle like a song in my pumping heart.

"No don't do this, " I breathed out weakly. My hot breath lashing out against his cool frost. But he leaned in regardless brushing my lips with his own and tgen I was lost in his darkening eyes. Falling deeper into its darken swirls. So deep that I almost missed it. I almost missed what he said last before that darkness coated me taking me under with it.

"But I saw you first, Kira. You were meant for me first."