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Life

How do you live a life you know is going nowhere? Do you live it the best you can or take it as it is and tough it out? My dad takes alternatives. He never pays for his mistakes. He almost seems to avoid life altogether. I wish he would just own up to everything he has done. He should, but he doesn't. If he did he would be in jail or dead. Dead. So final. So to the point.

Life is hard to live with my dad. He used to be a good guy I am told by people. Before he had me. He met my mom and they fell in love, after they had me he started gambling and lost all his money and friends. He developed a temper and yelled a lot. That's when the avoiding started. He blamed other people for everything. He started getting abusive. My mom kept saying she was going to report him. Later my mom died. Police say she fell down the stairs. Only she didn't fall.

I live with my dad now. I only stay because he scares me. I know if I left he would find me. He would hurt me. So I stay. We live in a simple motel with no kitchen, that is going to kick us out in a week, because we don't have any more money to pay for staying here. From there we have nowhere. His parents pretend he doesn't exist and he has no friends. Neither do I. They say home is where the heart is, but what if your heart is in a place where you can't retrieve it. I think mine went with my mom to heaven. Of course I have been happy since then but it's more of a hollow happy that last less than a day and then is gone. I miss her. Really, truly, though I think I miss the comfort of her. Security and happiness. That was my mom. The sad part is that's all I remember.

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My tasks in life are simple, keep my grades up so my teachers don't call dad, and do my chores so I don't make dad angry. My life whether I like it or not revolves around him. Mostly dad and I avoid each other. It's easiest. If we talk we fight. If we don't talk he yells about me being so quiet. So we go our separate ways. It works until we run out of food. Like today.

I woke up and got ready for school. I looked around for something to eat, only finding the seemingly never ending cupboards, swallowed up in their vast emptiness.

"Dad" I walk over, only to find him sleeping on the couch. "Dad, I need money."

"I ain't going to give you any money!" He yells kicking an old pizza box across the room. He must of gotten fired. He yells and refuses to buy food when he gets fired. I realize to late I got into the wrong argument, but we really need food.

"Sorry, we just need food." I say under my breath. He hears it though. Standing up he grabs the empty pizza box and hurls it toward me.

"There is your food. Now shut up I am watching TV!" He says turning the TV on after the statement. Like always, tuning out the world, and avoiding life. Avoiding being fired. I think it's over and I got off with only a bruise from the pizza box, when he stands up. "You know what, I don't like the way you were talking to me."

"Sorry, I just wanted some food." Speak louder than I normally do.

"Because of you behavior," he says picking up his belt. He brings it down hard on the back of my neck I can hear the crack and then I feel the ground hit my face I take one short breath. Right before the world goes mute I heard him yell something about how much trouble I am in and soon after everything is black.