The Lifeguard Hates You (Completed)

August Chapter 9

I had quite a bit of time to think about what I was going to do.

I don't mean in the few days I was separated from my friends. To be honest I've been putting off this decision for years.

I had talked over everything with my parents and told them that I would know by fall what I was going to do next. First, I wanted to have one last summer with my friends before I changed things entirely. Not just for me but for them too.

That and I had unfinished business.

Lingering feelings for Jay.

An apology to make to my best work friend.

A sit-down conversation with Lacey about the future of this place if I'm not here.

You know, typical unfinished business.

And hopefully I would be dealing with the first one today. Or at least, open the door to talking about it. I had a feeling Jay would need some time to adjust too.

I actually woke up first. Shocking because, though he doesn't like early morning, Jay usually woke up before anyone else. Though this was mostly because he had opening shifts, so he was conditioned to wake up early.

Either he had a day off or he hadn't opened the building like he said he would. I hadn't heard an alarm so I was assuming it was his day off.

I went about making breakfast for him to sort of lighten the mood before I started what would probably be an argument between us and he joined me in the kitchen, in nothing but his boxers, while I was halfway through making his eggs.

He sat down across from me at the kitchen island watching as I went about cooking, only to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Once he had done that he got back up again and turned on the kettle so he could make me a tea and him a coffee.

By the time I was done he had everything ready. All that was left was sitting down and actually forcing myself to have the conversation with him.

"Candy know you're back yet?" he asks, the coffee mug partway to his lips. I notice that he's both looking at me and not. Like he's afraid if he gives me too much attention I'll bolt.

"No. I got in late and I didn't want to bother her."

"You should tell her ASAP. You're on thin ice as is with the not communicating. Wouldn't want to make it worse."

That's fair and I make a mental note to text her the second this conversation is done.

"Thanks, I will," I say and then we lapse into silence.

"Have you... you said you had things to clear up... did you do that?"

"Mostly," I admit and he nods.

"Am I right in assuming that Earth and Body and uh... us... all of us I mean, are like... the last of your loose ends?"

"You'd be right, yes."

He nods again and I swear I can see that emotional armour drawing up.

"I... I was one internship from finishing my degree," I tell him. "I should have seen it through and I want to do that. Uh... depending on how my search goes, and what the Dean says I might be going back in the Fall to complete it."

"That's good," he says and I can see that he means it. "And does that mean you'd take the job with your dad?"

"It's still mine if I want it, yeah," I tell him. "I... I wanted to talk to Lacey and all of you guys before deciding."

"You should take the job, Rory," he startles me by saying. "You'd be great at it, no doubt. It's where you belong."

"Thank you," I find myself whispering. "I'm still... I'm still thinking about it. Still deciding I mean."

I wait for him to say something, anything, but nothing comes and he's gone back to not looking at me so I clear my throat again and bring up his loose end.

"I like you Jay," I blurt out.

This shouldn't be a surprise. He's known about my crush for years and now we're sleeping together. But the look on his face makes it seem like I've dropped some big bombshell on him.

"That... that hasn't changed and... I guess... I guess I'd like to know what this is... this thing we're doing? Is this... is this just you trying to give me what I want so I don't leave? Or is this something more."

He carefully puts down his utensils and drops his hands to lap.

"I'm not just forcing myself to have sex with you because I think it's the only way to keep you here," he snaps. "I... I like... you... too... I just... I don't know what it is you want this to be..."

"I don't have any expectations..." I start but he pins me with a knowing glare and I fall quiet because I do have expectations. I'm just not getting my hopes up yet. "Alright, so I do. But honestly, I just want to know what this is. That's all. I swear. There's no right or wrong answer."

"Fine, I wouldn't say we're dating, but I wouldn't say we're casual. I'd say we're exclusively fucking."

"So fuck-buddies."

"I mean... yeah... except no seeing other people."

I nod again. He's right, that's not what I want this to be.

"And... what if... what if I wanted that to be more, some day? Is that something you could see happening?"

"No."

The answer comes so quickly that I'm surprised.

His eyes have stayed pointed at the plate in front of him.

I open my mouth to ask my why but his eyes have finally swung to mine and I see nothing except steely determination shining there.

"We're radically different people Rory, and we both know if you go back to school in the fall you'll be leaving here. After Marnie... I'm not doing long distance again, and honestly... I don't want... I don't want to go through all of that again. Especially for something that is as new as we are."

I nod understanding completely. It's not what I want to hear at all because he's making it sound like I'm not even worth the risk. Inadvertently or not.

I must look upset because he adds: "I'm sorry... I told you this wasn't going to be what you wanted."

I force a smile onto my face and try my best to ward off any further apologies.

"No, thank you for your honesty," I tell him, though really my heart is breaking all over again. "I... I have to unpack. Enjoy your breakfast."

I excuse myself from the meal I've barely touched and then go to my room. The second the door shuts I start crying and it takes all my willpower and my hands clasped over my mouth to keep my sobs quiet.

He was right.

That really wasn't the answer I wanted.