The Lifeguard Hates You (Completed)

August Chapter 17

It was like the acting of vocalizing what was going on with us to our friends was the turning point.

And I don't mean for good. I mean that was when everything went downhill.

For starters she stopped wanting to sleep with me.

Fair.

Fine.

She did say she wanted space to get over me. Didn't mean I wanted to stop but I didn't get to tell her that I didn't want to be with her and still sleep with her. That just wasn't fair.

We weren't cuddling or kissing anymore, which was also fair.

She wasn't making me food anymore or if she did, she wouldn't deliver it to me, which was also fair.

We were barely talking, and that was shitty cause we lived together and I mean... we were supposed to be friends.

But this would only last a few days and then she'd jump me. We'd have glorious magical sex and then we'd be back to the awkward silences and her being unable to look me in the eye.

And the time between her jumping me was getting longer and longer. This was killing me, but I couldn't say anything, you know? What could I really say?

"I think we need to talk again."

Aw shit.

We both have a day off today, I thought that meant that we could just enjoy each other's company. If we got to cuddle, make out, or even have sex I would consider it a bonus.

But nope, that's not what we're going to do today. Today we're apparently going to argue.

"Sure, what's up?"

I've already muted the TV for her.

This is a big deal because I'm missing my game for her, so I better get brownie points for that.

"I'm starting to think you lied to me," she says as she comes to join me on the couch.

Holy shit she's on to me!

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you like me," she says. And I try not to swear at her. "I think you like me and you're just scared of getting into a relationship."

"Okay... Rory..."

"So, what exactly scares you about getting into a relationship with me?"

I should be honest with her. But I know if I'm honest she'll come back with logical arguments and talk me into agreeing to go out with her. Then she'll leave me anyway and I'll be broken again and I just... I'm in a good place right now and I don't want to loose that.

"Rory, I do like you. You're a good person, but I'm also a guy. And there's no way I'm going to turn down sex. And that's all this is to me. It's just sex."

For a fraction of a second I see pain flash across her features but then those green eyes narrow at me. "And what about all the cuddling?"

"Again, I'm a guy. If there's even point one of a chance that cuddling and making out with you will lead to sex I will be down for it."

Now that time the pain doesn't just flash but settles on her features.

"I told you. I like you. You're pretty. You're nice. But I'm not getting into another relationship. Not ever. Especially not with someone who's leaving in the fall."

I get up to walk away from her, this is the signifier that I'm done, but she either ignores the signal or doesn't get it.

"So that's the problem?" she asks as she gets up to follow me. "I'm going back to school in September and you're worried I'm not going to come back?"

The fact that she's finally picked up on that is both distressing and heart stopping cause she knows, and I now I'm flat out lying to her and I'm so damn bad at that.

"Aw come on Rory, you know you're not going to come back!" I cry turning back to her. "Of course you're not! You're going to go back to Toronto, get involved in that world you left behind and you're going to find someone more to your calibre and saying that you're not is just stupid."

She's staring at me, clearly confused, but I know that now that she knows what my real issue is she's not going to let it go.

"But... Jay..."

"No," I snap. "I don't want another long distance relationship. Maybe I would if I found the right girl, but let's be honest here. You're not worth it. Not to me."

It's cruel. It's cruel not just because I'm lying, but because I know just how much that's going to hurt her.

The "Oh," that comes out of her cuts me to my very core, cause it's the audible proof that I've shattered her heart. I want nothing more than to scoop her up into my arms and apologize, but I don't take it back no matter how much I want to.

She takes a step away from me and lowers her eyes. I know what I've said will make her cry.

"I'm sorry," she eventually says. "I'm sorry to have bothered you so much..."

And then she just leaves. Not the room, but the whole cabin. And I'm left there alone, just like I always wanted to be.

And I hate it.