She's Just That Kind of Girl

Nineteen | Tanner

What was I thinking? I almost kissed Violet, which coincides with cheating on Mary. Now I'm the one who can't be trusted. I can't hang around Violet anymore. What am I gonna do? Am I even sure I love Mary anymore?

I pulled into my usual parking spot, hopped out, and scampered up to my dorm room. I knocked on the door and Preston answered. "Well, look who's back!"

I darted straight to my room to change out of my wet clothes. Preston followed and leaned against my doorway. "So, how'd she like the field?"

"She loved it. You should've seen the way she looked at it. I swear I've never seen someone look at the field like that," I said, throwing on a clean shirt.

"Happy to hear it! Who won the bet?"

"I did, but she sure challenged me." My mind still spiraled, I didn't have too much more to say on the matter.

"Really? Losing your touch, Tan the Man?" Preston said jokingly. "Just kidding. She looks athletic as hell. So since you won, what'd you get as a prize?"

I finished dressing and rushed to my bedroom door to poke my head out and see if anyone else lingered around to eavesdrop. Not a soul that wanted to still be living in sight.

"You can't tell William this Preston. I want to tell him."

Preston raised his hands. "Hey, you know I won't say a word."

I plopped down on my bed and dragged my fingers through my hair. "I almost kissed Violet."

"Are you serious? That's awesome!" Preston said excitedly.

I shot him the you're kidding, right? face. "Awesome? How is this awesome? I almost jeopardized my relationship and I almost kissed the girl William is interested in. I don't know. I don't know what's going on." Am I having a breakdown?

Preston approached me, moved a chair, placed it right across from me, and sat down. "Look Tanner, I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life. But I've honestly never seen you happier than these past two weeks. That's because of all the time you've spent with Violet, dude. I haven't seen you look at Mary the way you look at Violet. It's like you can hack the tension with a chainsaw."

"I don't know, Preston. This is so crazy. I don't want to throw this two-year relationship away on the off-chance that things might work with Violet, a person I've only known a week and a half. Not even! I don't even know if she likes me in that way."

Preston slapped his hand to his forehead. "Okay, how did this kiss even happen? Did she try to stop you in any way?"

"The kiss didn't happen, it almost happened. And no, I don't think so."

"Doesn't that say something right there?"

I shrugged. "I suppose. I guess?"

"I think you should know something too as you're pondering about your little love triangle here," Preston said, taking a heavy breath, as if he didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. "William made his move last night on Violet. I don't know exactly when, but last I heard, she told him she'd think about it."

It felt like I forgot how to breathe for a second. Just one that felt like five minutes. "Oh. That's um. . .good. That's great! That's what we wanted for him. So."

Preston shook his head like a bobblehead thrashing side to side. "C'mon, Tanner. You're obviously in denial here. You look crushed."

"I. . ." I wanted to do it. Deny it again. Suppress the feelings, pretend everything's decent with Mary and everything's going to work itself out, and I could just drop it all off, like my mind to a dry cleaner to get wiped free of stains. That's what Violet was, a stain. A blood one. I knew it. The more I tried to deny it, the worse everything felt. Which made my guilt more prominent because Mary deserved better than this. It's going to break her heart when I—. "I'm breaking up with Mary."