She's Just That Kind of Girl

Twenty-Five | Violet

I sat on the couch solemnly, letting a few tears roll. Selena sat next to me, patting my back while Dallas settled in a chair next to me with a box of tissues.

"I take it things didn't go very well?" Selena asked.

            "Of course not, look at her face," Dallas said giving her the fucking-duh face.

            I lifted my head. "At first, it was perfectly fine actually. But then he said he was only hanging out with me to get dirt on me for William." I grabbed several tissues from the box and wiped my cheeks.

            "Seriously?" Dallas asked, her brows just as questionable as she was. "Why?"

            I nodded. "Well, William is into me. Tanner was being his wingman I guess."

            "Oh, well that's not so bad. I mean, kinda took it a little far, but anyway. So you telling him you wanted to remain friends went fine though? That's different." Dallas said.

"Wow. Can I date him?" Selena kidded.

            I almost shot her a glare even though I knew she was joking. "You guys aren't helping."

            "Hey, she said it," Dallas said, "but I don't understand, Violet. I thought you were into him?"

            "I am," I stared into space, "I mean, was. That's why I have to let him go."

            "Um, what?" Selena asked.

            "Other than the fact that he lied to me and was trying to pry me for info to laugh at with his friends, I can't get mixed up with another guy right now. I have so much to do and so much to think about and I just don't have time. And he's a risk."

            "A risk?" Dallas asked.

            "Yeah. What if I get hurt again? I don't know if I can handle that," I said, twiddling my fingers, "then I think about Shane and how I feel guys like him are the only ones I deserve."

            "What?" Dallas said in bewilderment. "Why would you think that?"

"I've done horrible things in my life, Dallas."

Dallas laughed. "What are you talking about? What have you done so bad that you deserve human trash?"

            I stared at my hands, debating whether or not now being the time to unleash the truth. Mamá and I agreed on a promised secret to never say anything. But the older I got, the more I thought about it. How I looked at my sisters every day and knew they had no clue what I'd done to their biological father. The guilt being insufferable. But he felt like my biological father too. I have no other father in my life. And you know what, if Mamà decided to stay and be here, then she could've stopped this and been able to assist. But she wasn't, so consequences will be dealt where they may.

            "Violet?" Selena said.

"I don't know if it's time to tell you guys yet."

"Tell us what?" Selena asked.

I couldn't fight the inner demon anymore, clawing to climb out. I couldn't take the toll. After all these years, I wanted to air out all my dirty laundry. No more risks. My body fought me to open my mouth, but the words came to surface anyway. The tears welled up again. "The truth about what really happened to Papi."

            "What the hell are you talking about?" Dallas asked.

            I slid down onto my knees from the couch and stared them in the eyes. The tears couldn't stop flowing today. The eyes of sisters that loved me in this moment before the truth destroyed it all. "The day Papi died. . ." I took a deep, unnerving breath, "it wasn't because of his ALS. He committed suicide. And I—I helped him."