Dear Diary | Billie Eilish

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Dear Diary,

I'm not doing great. I feel like Billie and I have been falling out of touch. It's like the spark isn't there anymore. It's me. Not her. It's me. I'm the one who always fucks everything up. I don't know if I can do this anymore.

BILLIE'S POV

Aurora's been acting really different lately. It's like she isn't interested in me anymore. I'm really worried about her.

"I love the stars," Aurora whispered as we sat on my roof, looking at the night sky. "Me too," I told her. I looked over at Aurora and saw she was crying. "I don't know if I can do this Billie," she said. Those were words I never wanted to hear. "What," I asked before tears formed in my eyes.

AURORA'S POV

"I just don't think I'm good for you right now, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you," I explained. I stood up and crawled back through the window. I grabbed my backpack and left her room. I heard Billie follow me down her hallway and just before I walked out of the front door, she grabbed my arm and pleaded "Don't leave."

I tried to break from her grasp, but she wouldn't let go. Tears streamed down both of our faces. I suddenly lashed out at Billie and yelled "Let go!" She stood in her doorway in shock as I walked out the front door and ran down the street. What the fuck did I just do?

I walked to my mom's house and snuck inside the pool house so she wouldn't know I was there. I threw my stuff on the ground and slid my back down the wall until I reached the floor. I just sat on the floor...crying. I really fucked up this time. I made the mistake of checking my phone and all I saw were the multiple missed calls, and texts, I had from Billie.

I threw my phone across the room and curled into a ball on the floor.

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I woke up the next morning in the pool house. I checked what time it was and I was already an hour late for school. I had no motivation to even move a single bone in my body. I stayed in the same position and drifted to sleep again.

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Dear Diary,

I haven't been to school in a week. I haven't eaten anything in days. I'm fucking done living like this. My own mother hates my guts. My dads dead. I fucked up my only relationship. People probably think I'm dead. I'd be better off dead. I'm so numb. I can't do this anymore.

I grabbed my backpack and started walking towards the park behind my school. It was only about a 10 minute walk so I was there in no time. I walked down the sidewalk in front of my school, but I didn't feel right. Instinctively, I turned around and saw a fist flying towards my face. I was soon on the ground while I heard familiar laughs towards me.

"You haven't been to school in a week. You're going to have to make up your missed days," Lauren sneered as she lifted me off my feet, and dragged me into the woods across the street. I felt Lauren let go of me and throw me on the ground. She and the other girls crowded around me as they began to kick my stomach, chest, back, and neck.

I just lied there...hopeless. The pain was unbearable. I tried to scream. I just cried like a loser. I felt a liquid drip out of my mouth and onto my hand. I looked down and saw blood. I was coughing up blood. I heard one of the girls command "Ok that's enough. Let's get out of here." I heard their footsteps run away and I lied there, silently.

With the minimal strength I had left, I grabbed my phone off the ground and called Billie. I heard a click and then heard Billie's voice. "Aurora? Are you ok? Where are you? Everyone's worried about you," she worriedly stammered. I didn't know if I had it in me to even let out a word.

"I need help. I'm in the woods near my school. Please," I said while gasping for air. I heard the line disconnect and then my phone went black. It died.

I was left hurt and alone in the middle of the woods. I don't know if Billie heard me. I was bleeding everywhere. I couldn't move. It became harder and harder to breathe by the second. Everything started to darken. I felt weak. Is this how I die?