A Secret Between Us.

14.Out Loud

"What can you say in front of everyone?"

A powerful hand squeezed my shoulder, it was obviously a male hand, I turned my gaze to see who it was, at that moment I would have faced anyone, I wasn't afraid of anything, partly because of the alchol, partly because of the strong emotions I was feeling.

"Hmm? What can you say?" Stanely stared at me, she had it all figured out "shall we go to the bathroom for a second?" she asked, Juls shifted her gaze between Tucci and I "yeah..I guess we should.." she whispered, so I decided to get up on my own and follow my friend into the bathroom.

"what the fuck are you up to today?" she whispered fervently I started to shake my head "she'll never love me" after I said this Stanely took me by the arms and shook me vigorously "we have to move on, this is not the right place to deal with this emotional drama okay? Now wash your face and pull yourself together."
I stared at Stan with bright eyes, I was very fragile at that moment, too much so.

(P.O.V. Julianne)

I trembled until Stanley came to get Colin, I was scared of another possible confrontation between him and Bart.

As soon as I saw both of them leave, I took a big breath of relief and got up from the table to take a walk, I needed air, I needed silence and that loud buzz overhung by the music certainly didn't help.

And then ... I thought about Colin's words ... he wanted to shout to the whole world that he loved me.
For a moment I smiled at the idea, impossible and crazy, but still a great gesture of love.
I didn't have all that much courage and maybe I blamed myself, but I wanted the best for both of us and the best we could get was by keeping our separate ways.
It devastated me, and not a little, because seeing him was enough for me to understand that happiness had a name.

"Are you alone?"
I turned around and nodded at Bart, "Yes."
He walked over and placed his large hand on my right shoulder "good..I heard Liv and she was back home.... I'll wait inside I'm going to have a chat with Caroline" he caressed my cheek and I forced a smile in response then I decided to touch his hand in turn "alright" I whispered then as Bart turned to go back to the table I saw the silhouette of Colin sneaking out and heading towards me "hey" he whispered at which I shifted my gaze towards him who was in the half-light "hey come here" he whispered again, his body was hidden behind the wall of the building "Colin get back inside!"
"Come on just come here for a second!" He insisted until he could convince me, I casually walked over and passed by the glass window that allowed me to see inside then disappeared behind the building, "what? Why are you out here? Please Colin..." I didn't manage to finish the sentence when he put his forehead against mine and started talking over me: "I want to shout it to the whole world, okay? I want to do it now." He pulled away a few inches and after spreading his arms wide, "I want to do it!" he said, raising his voice.

(P.OV.)
"I love you!" I shouted.
"I-" I tried to reply but I was immediately stopped by the white hand pushing hard against my mouth, I stared into her eyes and saw her smile, after a long time, I saw her smile.
I gently took her hand away and kissed her palm "these days I've done nothing but think of you...my missing piece..." I kept staring at her "I don't care if you don't love me" I moved closer and pressed a kiss on her right after I finished whispering: "I don't care".
I started kissing her fiercely while in vain I tried to lower the straps of the purple dress that wrapped her small body.
"Colin!" she shot back "no..no Colin" I stopped as I felt her hand push me away "no..I really can't...you don't know what this would mean to me.."
"Tell me! I'm here. Tell me!" I answered brushing her body with mine again, I saw her close her eyes "tell me..." I told her again before receiving her answer which was preceded by a strong breath "you don't know what I've been through these past few days ok? I talked to Bart and cleared it up with him, the right thing is this. I want to be with my family. That's all." I was speechless for a few moments and she took the moment to run away and go back inside.
She was obviously right Livia and that was the only thing wandering around in my head.

(P.O.V Julianne)
As I ran away from what made me so vulnerable, so happy, so adolescent I thought back to how much I was dying to hear him yell, to hear that sincere and carefree " I love you ", I was shivering just at the thought of being able to kiss him again, but on the other side were Bart's words heavy as boulders nailing me to this decision that made me miserable.

"Where have you been?" Bart flanked me and escorted me to my seat "I was out..." I replied as I tried to remain vague, I waved at two colleagues who were leaving "You were out? Alone?" I lowered my gaze to my hands nervously shaking, I nodded "Mh Mh"

"So you need an actor for some project? I've got some free time..." exclaimed Stanley butting into the conversation which was becoming increasingly difficult for me, I smiled forcibly as I looked at Stan who was my only saving grace of the evening at this point "yeah? How come?"
Tucci rested one hand on the back of the chair and began to shake his head slightly "stalling period, I need outside stimulation, I haven't found a role I'm really interested in yet."
I could feel Bart's gaze fixed on Stanley, I don't think he was accepting him just because he was Colin's best friend.
"Do you want to take your friend's place?" Bart urged, smiling, to which Stan replied with a big smile: "I don't think so... I don't know, it would raise doubts, wouldn't it? Besides, there's not much better than Colin..." he walked past him and patted him on the shoulder, then looked at me and winked.
I was smiling inside, Bart had no more chance to reply and I was happy.

(P.O.V Colin)

"Well we don't have any plans...we thought we'd stay in Italy for a few more weeks..." Livia was on my right and she was talking to Armani, I turned to her for a few moments and stared at my stomach, a shiver behind my back made me look away, I smiled as I heard her speak again for both of us, a bitter smile, at that moment I didn't really want to hide, not anymore, so I moved slightly closer to Livia and whispered, making sure Giorgio could hear me too: "I think I'll go back to London, I still have to fix the new house".
"Have you changed neighbourhoods?" The man replied, but I decided to stop him immediately, "No, we just decided it was time to take our own space," the man's gaze changed completely, "Ah...well...it happens..." Giorgio whispered, turning away.
I felt Livia's gaze fixed on me "What is it? I shrugged my shoulders in response and then turned to look her in the eyes, "I think I'll go to my hotel room... I'm very tired. I'm really tired, forgive me" I took the napkin I had on my lap and placed it next to my plate then I slowly stood up and walked towards the exit, Julianne and I looked at each other intently, I approached, but this time only to say goodbye to Stanley "I'm going..have a nice time" I patted Tucci as I continued to stare at Juls then I turned and left the building.
I spent the night awake, thoughts, I had created a problem for Livia too, but I was tired of living a lie.