Unhinged [h.s]

chapter 17

Harry's POV

I finish packing my gym bag while sipping on my smoothie. This fucking shit is disgusting but James swears it'll boost my energy. I sling my bag over my back and pull out my phone to text Dakota, a slow smile spreading on my face. 

I'm making sure to leave extra early to be there tonight. Dakota said she wanted to braid my hair, and I want her to. I don't know why I want her to, but I really do. I've been thinking about it all week. I know she's been avoiding me since we last talked. We left on a hostile note, but I don't know how to respond when she asks me these questions about myself. I've never said half these things out loud and she wants me to just share them openly like we're talking about the weather. 

I know she just wants to know me, and that she cares, but that's the most terrifying part. She cares. I'm trying to be more open. I've told her things I haven't told anyone else. I just wish she'd understand that. 

Just as I click on Dakota's contact I hear a knock on my door. "Fucks sake." I say as I stick my phone in my pocket and walk to the door. Who the fuck would be knocking on my door right now?

As I undo the locks and swing the door open, my heart falls to my stomach. I can feel the disgusting green smoothie coming back up my esophagus. I can feel my plans crashing through the floor. I can feel the anger spreading through my body. 

"Hey, Harry." She says as she grips a duffle bag in her manicured hand. "We need to talk." 

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a strong voice. I can't let her get to me. I can't, I have to stay sharp for this fight. I don't even know how she knew where to find me. 

"That's what we need to talk about." She says as she steps around me and into the apartment, her blonde hair waving by as she walks. She sets her bag down on the couch, but I make no move to close the door or the gap between us. "I had this whole speech prepared and I was going to bring some presents and surprise you, but I figured it'd be best if I just said it." She rambles, just like she does when she's faking being nervous. She's never nervous. She always has everything planned down to a tee. 

"What are you talk-" 

"I'm pregnant." She says and all the air in my lungs dissipates. "And it's yours, obviously."

I'm too stunned to talk. I'm too caught off guard to move. My bag drops off my shoulder and onto the ground, my smoothie cup following suit. 

"I figured you'd be shocked, so I just want to get it all out at once." She says and begins to tie her hair up into a ponytail, as if this is just another Thursday night and she's about to be making dinner or working on school work. "I'm keeping it- Well, we're keeping it."

"Wait, wait no. That's- That's not possible." I get out the only sentence in my brain at the moment that I can come up with. There's no way that is possible. "We used condoms."

"Condom's break, Haz."

The name makes me cringe. That was her name for me. I don't know how it came to be, but it did. And the name just reminds me of everything wrong about her. She's just bringing back awful memories of our fights and breakup and even just being with her at all. We were never in love, we never had romance. We fucked and then she started calling herself my girlfriend and stuck around for way longer than she should have. "Cece, we broke up three months ago."

"I'm twelve weeks along." She responds, taking off her shoes and setting them to the side. 

"Well isn't that just perfect." I say sarcastically to myself. "Cecily, we both know that I know you cheated on me. It's okay, I know it's not mine, you don't have to pretend-"

"I'm not pretending." She responds calmly. "Yes, I'll admit, I cheated on you in the past but not around the time this baby was conceived." She cradles her stomach and the sight makes me want to gag. "You know by the time we ended things that I loved you and only you."

There's no fucking way this is happening. I'm not ready to be a father, nevertheless to Cecily's kid. There's no way this is real. 

"I want a paternity test. I'm not taking any responsibilities for this until you prove that that things is mine." I spit at her. I know for a fact that 12 weeks ago we did not fuck. I was getting ready to leave to come here, and we were practically broken up weeks before we really did. 

"Don't talk about our child like that! And I'm not taking a paternity test until he or she is born. I'm not risking hurting them." She argues and it makes me pull my hair at the roots. 

"I swear to god Cece, I'm not helping you one bit until you prove for a fact that it's mine. Not a single thing." I practically scream through gritted teeth. I can't be a dad, I can't raise a kid. I have a whole career ahead of me. I have the fight coming up, and I have Dakota. "Fuck!" I shout and drop into a squat, holding my head with my elbows on my knees. I have Dakota. Dakota won't want anything to do with me if I have a kid. She's a senior in high school for god sakes. "I have to go." I say as I stand up and search around for my keys. 

"Where do you think you're going? I'm carrying our child, Hazza."

"Stop calling me that!" I exclaim in disgust. "I have to go to the gym, I can't be here right now"

"Harry, just stop for a minute." She says as she runs up to me and puts her arms on my chest. "I have the tests in my bag. I have doctor's notes and everything. I know you're shocked, but have a little more respect for the woman carrying your child! This... This is a good thing. This is a blessing in disguise. We can get married and live the life we always wanted. You can still fight and I can stay home and raise them. We can-"

I grab her wrists from off my chest and hold them in front of her body. "Stop touching me, stop this act, stop wasting my time!" I shout in her face. 

"Baby just-" She says as she reaches for my cheeks, but I just pull back harder. 

"Stop!" I say and throw her wrists away from me. I start pacing in circles, planning the next couple days, the next year, the next 18 years. If she really is pregnant, what the fuck am I going to do? 

I turn quickly and walk into my bedroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I can hear the muffled bangs and shouts from her outside the door but I ignore them. I can't be in reality right now. 

I pace to the bathroom, opening the cabinet behind the mirror. My pain meds. Prescribed for every injury in the book. Get beat up for a living and you end up with a stock pile. 

I pull out one of the 20 little orange bottles. Hydrocodone. That should work. I pop open the cap and pour about 7 into my hand. I'm not sure, I don't have time to look before I throw them all in my mouth and run them down with some sink water. I lift my head up and take a deep breath. 

I haven't done this in months. I haven't abused drugs in a long time. I was doing so good. But I guess if you're going to abuse drugs, these are pretty good circumstances. 

I sit down on the cold tile and after a few minutes I start to feel a wave of calmness take over me. I don't know how long I sit on the bathroom floor for. I'm not sure much of what happens after that. 

a/n: short chapter since it's from harry's pov. i wrote this very quickly so i'm sorry for mistakes but is this what you expected? don't worry this isn't the climax of the story. we'll get there. love you guys.