FEARLESS

Chapter 3

Okay.... Hi guys. Thank you so much for reading :) please vote and comment!!! Sorry that the chapters are so long.. I'm just no good at shortening them, I've tried, I think I'll just stick with how my rough draft is unless you guys think that shorter would be a sign of a better writter... then I would probably go through the effort of learning how to do it xD lol.

I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

Chapter 3

My heart stops beating. Where is Matthew? Where is he? Run through my mind.

Then it hits me.

I have basically murdered my brother. All because I had to go and sing along with some stupid old lady and her guitar. It was probably a trap after all. A trap to see who would have the audacity to sing along verses from the Bible in public for all to hear. Oddly though I feel happy I did it. For the first time I stood up and told my faith. No one knows that inside I was quavering worried of what may come and now all I feel is joy with a bit of sorrow mixed in.

I tell myself I should feel sad. I repeat to myself that I just killed Matthew but something inside of me keeps saying 'but you saved that man, but you saved that man.' No. I killed Matthew. I force myself to say it. Then the truth sinks in.

My older brother, my protector is gone. He just found a basement for us. He just bought me soup. He just got a job.

His job. Maybe I can work it. Maybe I can keep going. Living here alone watching out for myself. I obviously stink at that.

How can I be letting go of Matthew so quickly? I ask myself. I feel a deep sense of loss and but I have a feeling of freedom that I’ve never had before. I told someone about Jesus, I changed someone’s life. But you killed Matthew Mallory, you killed him. Maybe they just went for a walk. Like Matthew would ever leave without telling me? No, he wouldn’t and I know it.

I look around the room trying to piece together what could have happened. The Bible is missing.

The O's came and took them and the Bible?

Maybe they didn't kill them. There would be bodies if they did, right?

No. I know they can kill then make them disappear. I don't know why they didn't with my parents but I know people were complaining about dead bodies stinking and attracting diseases and so they started taking the bodies with them.

I feel the tears coming.

I woke Matthew from his nap scarring him about something being wrong assured him nothing was then ran off and left him to die alone. Why not me God? I think. Why Matthew? He deserved to live. He was the one who worked at living the one who loved life no matter what it threw at him. He still is loving life. He will be with Jesus now.

Can I find it in myself to be sad he is gone? No not when I know how happy he must be. And that other man. If I hadn't have told him I knew God he wouldn't be dead now either. Yes he would I suppose. He would still be living a dead and meaningless life now he also gets to be in heaven.

I lean against the cold brick wall and slide down it. The tears are pouring now. I miss Matthew. It's going to be just like when our parents died, I'll slip away only this time there won’t be anyone to take care of me. Matthew is gone. I cry all the un-cried tears I have. I cry until there must be no fluid in left in me body.

It's getting dark. Evening. I jump with a start. I have to go to the butchers. Surely Mr. Aiken will understand and let me have the job. I dry my face on one of the blankets. Like that will do any good. My face must be all swollen and red by now. I grab an apple and crack it in half by banging it on the corner of the crate. Who knows how long I may have to make this food last. I run my fingers through my disheveled hair, place my hat back on and look around. There is nothing important here. If someone comes they can't take anything of value from me. I've lost all that already.