For Better Or For Worse | Rihanna

I ; September 14th, 2017

Eden Scott

"I have to get up," she pleaded.

"No, you don't," I protested, refusing to weaken my hold on her torso.

"I do!" Robyn laughed, trying to push my head away from her chest. "You have a day off, but I don't."

"Since it is my day off, my first decree is that you have to do what I want you to."

"That's not how days off work! You not suddenly president of the house," she rolled her eyes at my childish behaviour, once again pushing against my bicep.

I found the situation very funny, but I let go of her body and fell back onto the bed. She huffed before slipping out of the bedsheets, still in her birthday suit, and prancing over to the bathroom.

I watched as the wooden door came to a close, then opened slightly, revealing my girlfriend's head. "You can take a shower with me before I leave."

"I don't wanna take a shower; it's so early," I pouted.

"Beggars can't be choosers," she replied and closed the door behind her.

I sighed as I thought about my next move. It was so early, the sun was barely shining outside of our bedroom windows. I didn't plan on waking up any time soon, or anywhere north of noon, considering I had no real plans for today. Unfortunately for me, it seemed that Robyn was unable to wake up without waking me up too. Something about the way she stirred, stretched, yawned and groaned was enough to wake up anyone who had to share a bed with her. I was up now, and I don't think I'll find sleep again.

I admired her rigorous work ethic, it took commitment to your craft to willingly wake up at 5 am to go endure a long day of press and running around. Tonight, she was hosting her third annual Diamond Ball for the Clara Lionel Foundation. I had offered to accompany her this morning, to help with the last-minute details and adjuments but she insisted that I simply stay put at the apartment and arrive at the same time as everyone else.

I sighed, groggily making my way out of bed and over to my girlfriend. The cold tiles of the bathroom sent unwanted shivers up my spine.

"Babe, it's so cold in here," I whined, practically shivering.

"Come here," Robyn offered me while she played with the temperature on the faucet.

I stepped closer to her and she opened the door wider for me to step inside. I did and walked right under the water. It was the perfect temperature, and it felt like a warm blanket.

I extended my hand to her and she stepped inside the shower too. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her body against mine. I held her for a few moments while fighting the urge to fall back asleep.

"I think we should put a bench here," I mumbled. "Shower's way too big to be this empty."

"A bench, what are you, Eden? 60?" She mocked.

"Ha. Ha," I pushed her off lightly.

"We're not putting a bench in here, God gave you legs, use 'em," Robyn concluded and I snorted at her answer.

"Wash me," she grabbed the loofah from the hooky and extended it towards me.

"Really?"

"What else are you doing here?" Rob laughed.

"I mean, I thought you wanted to have sex?" I retorted, smiling slyly.

"You wanna?" She came closer, putting her hands on my shoulders.

"Technically, I always do. But no, I just didn't want you to leave me so soon." I began rubbing her arms with soap.

Her eyes shifted away from mine momentarily, to hide the guilt they were harbouring, but just like I did then, I could still read her like a book.

"It's not that," I stated firmly, as I had done for the millionth time now.

She sighed, still avoiding my eyes.

"Don't feel bad." I shook my head, biting my tongue.

"You wouldn't tell me if it was still bothering you," Rob muttered.

I wanted to dispel her fears but she was right, it was that. Over the years, it had become a burden that I didn't share with anyone. It was my pain to bear, and it always felt as if sharing only hurt others, only caused more pain around me. I knew that the guilt ate her up at night; when the blinds were shut and the door was locked. When she thought I was too asleep to notice. I could feel her toss and turn behind me. I knew she never forgave herself. In a similar fashion to how I made sure to hug her tight when she was still with me in the morning. I would never admit to her that the fear of her slipping away from me hunted me, crippled me even from forming normal attachments to her especially.

"You're here now." I kissed her again, ignoring the agony brooding in my stomach.

"I'm so--" she started but I silenced her with another kiss.

"Please don't apologize." I shook my head.

Truth is, I didn't wanna hear it. All it did was make me feel bad for being hung up on shit that was more than a decade old. I could tell that the odd interaction pained her, but she didn't say anything else. The rest of the shower was taken in silence. I washed her entire body but insisted on washing mine myself. It wasn't something I did for payback, it was simply something I enjoyed doing for her. She stepped out of the shower and walked to her closet without so much as sparing me a glance.

I could feel a certain animosity rolling off of her, but what was I even expected to do? It wasn't my fault she felt bad about her own actions.

When I was done, I dried myself off and joined her in the walk-in closet too. As I picked out underwear from my drawers, I watched her manoeuver around her options in silence.

"Are we good?" I spoke up.

"We're good."

"I love you," I continued

"I love you more," she answered, putting my heart at ease for the time being.

I didn't bother her any further and simply put on some sweats while she picked out a more intricate outfit. When she was done with her extensive morning routine, I accompanied her down the stairs.

I knew she wasn't big on breakfast lately, but still, I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed her an apple to hold her off until she ate. She thanked me, accepting the bright red fruit.

"You got everything you need?" I asked.

She nodded, aware of what was to come next. I leaned in and pecked her lips exactly three times as I always did, then held the door open for her. I watched as she walked from the front door to the elevator of our building.

"Have a good day," I called out.

"Don't forget about tonight, okay? At six," she reminded me.

"On the dot," I acknowledged.

She waved one last time before calling for the elevator. I waited until the doors were closed behind her before retreating back into the penthouse.

Truth be told, I hated days off. I never knew what to do with myself.

I wandered around the first floor until my eyes landed on a framed picture of me, sitting on the coffee table. It was a fairly old shot, barely in colour, of me standing in front of my childhood home. I showed a bright and gap-toothed smile, excited for my first day in Barbados.

I remembered that day exactly, but I didn't remember choosing to expose this picture in my living room. Deciding that this must be Robyn's doing, I knocked the frame off the round table, watching the glass splatter around my feet.

I didn't need any more reminders.