For Better Or For Worse | Rihanna

XXVIII; December, 2017

Eden Scott

"Is there anything specific you'd like to discuss?" Dr. Bennett's eyes bounced between Robyn and me.

I shrugged and turned my focus to my partner, who sat in the brown leather armchair a few feet from mine. We were separated by a coffee table adorning a full box of tissues, which I was proud to not have used today. Across from us, Dr. Bennett waited for an admission on our part with the most removed expression one could muster. She must be practicing these because I swear, ninety percent of the time, her face was completely blank. And she had these eyes and this heavy silence that just made you want to spill your guts. It wasn't long before Robyn fell into the trap.

"I've been thinking, maybe we should start trying for a baby." Her head whipped toward me almost immediately to catch my reaction. Her face expressed worry, and I wish mine mirrored the doctor's but instead, I probably looked like a deer in headlights.

I felt Dr. Bennett's eyes on me now, but all I could do was hang my jaw in surprise. It was no shock to me that Robyn wanted us to have kids. I had already agreed to this. However, in my head, that agreement came across as a plan to be acted upon perhaps 5 years into our marriage, when shit starts to get stale and there isn't much else to do.

"You seem surprised, Eden," My psychiatrist noted.

"I don't wanna say the wrong thing," I mumbled, finally averting my gaze.

What to say? What to say?

"I don't understand why this surprises you; you said you wanted to have kids," Robyn shifted in her seat.

"That's true. But why are you telling me this now if you feel that way? Like you're dropping a bomb on me?" I asked.

"Because you–" Robyn stopped herself with a sigh before gripping the drawstring of her jacket. "Sometimes, I feel as though information that is a given to me, is a shocker to you. I've been holding this in since we came back from Barbados because I was worried this would mess with your mind or something like that. But when we were in Paris, you said you wanted to do the whole white picket fence thing with me and obviously, we can't have a child biologically together. Now, I'd rather be married before having a child but at the same time, IVF takes time so I thought maybe... we could get a headstart."

After a beat, Dr. Bennett thanked Robyn for sharing before asking me for my thoughts.

"My tone was accusatory, I'm sorry. I do feel cornered because I didn't realize this was something you wanted now. As much as I would love to start a family with you, it's not something I feel capable of right now. I don't know if it's because I feel put on the spot or if I'm just juggling a lot at the moment but that seems so immense," I tried to explain myself.

"Hmm." That was all the response I got.

"Something you would like to add, Robyn?" Our mediator urged on.

"No."

"Robyn, you know I hate feeling like I've disappointed you." I felt my heart beat quicker with fear I had sunk myself into a hole again. "God knows I'd move Heaven and Earth for you and all you'd have to do is ask. But I'd be doing us both a disservice if I didn't take some time to consider this."

"I'm not sure I want to keep talking about this," Robyn dismissed me.

"Well, that's understandable, Robyn. Some topics are hard to approach and even harder to dissect. It's certainly important that you both approach this with honesty and transparency. I'm speaking specifically to you, Eden, because you are aware of your pattern of lying," the doctor spoke.

Robyn turned to me with an amused glare.

"I sweep stuff under the rug for the sake of coexisting in harmony, I guess you can call that lying," I admitted.