Gates of Heaven

My Home

A/N  This is a poem about my personal experience of getting used to my own gender-fluidity.
The alternating rhymes in the stanzas represent my alternating gender states.
This poem is dedicated to @DupliTwins for being open to discussions with me about such things, and inspiring me to try to find a way to express what adapting to being gender-fluid has felt like for me.

I've come home today,
My house looks the same,
The gravel driveway,
And each window frame.

I twist in the key,
And push the door wide,
Bewildered to see,
It's different inside.

The sofa has gone,
Replaced with a chair,
The rug it stood on,
Is no longer there.

The kitchen is blue,
It used to be green,
The table I knew,
Now cannot be seen.

Scared and uneasy,
I take in the sight,
Anxious and queasy,
This doesn't feel right.

When did all this change?
And where is my bed?
This all feels so strange,
It's clouding my head.

I want to go back,
An impossible task.
Then panic attack,
Nobody to ask.

It's hard to embrace,
But here I am trapped.
So I sit in this place,
And try to adapt.

The next day I wake,
My house is restored,
Did I make a mistake?
Did my brain just get bored?

I stare at the wall,
And its soft hue of cream,
Perhaps it was all,
Just some crazy dream?

But after a while,
The walls change their shade,
The room changes style,
My bed starts to fade.

And into my view,
Though not my decision,
Comes house number two,
Pervading my vision.

Each time it returns,
I try to be brave,
Time helps me to learn,
This isn't so grave.

My living like this,
Has opened my mind,
It's not full of bliss,
But I'm starting to find,

Like anything new,
I just need to adjust,
This flip-flopping view,
I'm learning to trust.

And so, not in one,
But in two homes I live,
Like daughter and son,
Each has something to give.

It's sometimes confusing,
This shape-shifting home.
And while not of my choosing,
I'll make it my own.