A Foreign Love Song (Jake Bateman x Johnnie Guilbert)

16: Johnnie

Now I'm hitting the walls, and she begs me to quit. And she takes me to church, but I'm scared to commit. And I'm losing my mind, cuz she hides all my shit. She won't go away. 

I'm lying on the floor, the lyrics of Pray for Me filling my ears. I haven't moved from this spot for hours. Nothing could get me up, and that wasn't good. I officially felt dead. Not because of some mysterious craving, but because I genuinely could not get myself to LIVE AGAIN. My phone started to ring in the background. I groaned and tried to roll myself across the floor to get it. This proves extremely unsuccessful, which doesn't come as a shocker. Then came a knock on my door. I couldn't stand up. I tried to make sounds of life in case it was Jake. He can't think I'm dead, even though I think I am.

The door came breaking open, and Jake bounded in. He looks relieved to see me blinking and breathing on the floor. "I thought you were dead."

"I thought so too," I grumble.

He stopped the song, and then he came back over to me. "What do you need for me to do?"

"Get Nikki," I whispered.

"Really?"

"Please. But both of you."

"Alright."

As I'd asked for him to, Jake called Nikki. Nikki cleared his schedule when he heard about the desperation of the situation and came right away. Now I forced myself to sit on the sofa with both him and Jake staring at me. "What's happened?" Jake asked. "I know you weren't okay before, but this is a whole new low."

Nikki looked a little confused and concerned himself. "I may have been a little....lacking when I told you that you probably just needed some affection," He confessed. "But I don't understand. You seemed better than ever. Was it to drive me away?"

"You should know, Doctor," I mumbled sarcastically. "But I think I need help. Really. Jake may have gotten rid of my blades, but he didn't get rid of anything. I can think of thirty different ways to hurt myself within this very room. I don't want coping mechanisms, I want to fight this addiction. Somehow." I looked to Jake. "I swear, Jake. Honestly, this time. I will not do it again. I don't want to. But you've gotta help me."

Nikki rubbed his chin while he thought. "Have you ever tried positive reinforcement to correct behavior?"

"Like what?" Jake asked.

"I don't know. That's something the two of you would have to work out amongst yourselves. But it could be anything from money to candy to forms of affection."

"A reward system for being nice to myself?" I wondered allowed.

"Exactly. And the system's nice to you too. An endless cycle of love, if you will. If that doesn't help, though. There's lots of other things you can try." He paused for a moment. "You could replace bad habits with good ones. That would just be coping mechanisms though. Or you could try butterflies. You know, drawing on yourself instead. You could express your pain through artistic mediums. It's really up to you."

I looked at Jake, who was processing these suggestions. I wasn't sure why though, they are for me after all. Finally, he spoke. "You'd always be around?" He asks Nikki. 

"Most of the time. I do have a life to tend to though. And other patients. But you, while not technically qualified, could help your friend the same way as I do." 

I sat there silently while he said this. Maybe he was right when he said that Jake really does care about me... 

After Nikki left, which was within the next ten minutes, Jake watched me carefully. "What changed your mind all of the sudden?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I kinda just woke up one day and realized how deep a hole I'd dug myself into." I shrugged. "But you should be happy about that."

"Oh, I am," He assured me. "I definitely am." He came over to where I was sitting, moving close to me. The warmth radiating off of his body was somewhat comforting. "Just a little surprised."

"Remember when you angrily suggested to me that you should come back?"

"I'm sorry about that."

"You were frustrated, I don't care. But I kinda sorta wanna take you up on that offer. I miss having you around, and as much as I was a pain in the ass and took advantage of your kindness, it gets lonely around here. Would you stay again?"

"Only for a little while," He agreed very quickly. "I'll do whatever you need me to. I'll be your anchor."

A/n: When you write a character in an alternate sense but use one of his songs in the book as though he's still a musician.....