A Foreign Love Song (Jake Bateman x Johnnie Guilbert)

17: Jake

It had been a month since I'd first moved back in with Johnnie. He'd been doing better and worse. Some days were dark, some not so much. Since the month began, we've gone out on two or three more dates on Johnnie's good days. (His good days are still pretty bad though. He might not have the urge to cut himself, but he'll still sleep too long and move too slowly. On really bad days, he was hyper. Everything was a weapon and everything was an adventure. He moved faster than my mind could keep up.) On our most recent date we even shared our first kiss. (It was barely a kiss but it made Johnnie so giddy I'll consider it.) Things were looking pretty okay for the first time in a while. Today I even managed to get him out of the house to go and see Nikki for a session. He made me swear to stay in case something horrible happened. (He's learned to trust Nikki, but still doesn't exactly love him.) So I was sitting right outside of the door to the room they were in. Johnnie wanted me to stay, but was told that it might be better if he did this session alone. (Since I'd moved back in, I'd been with Johnnie for all of his other house sessions. I didn't say a word, but I think that Nikki believed that my influence was still there.)

Johnnie opened the door, looking to make sure I was still there. I didn't take this personally;  after all, he did trust me. A small smile appeared on his face while he came towards me. 

"Has it been an hour already?" I asked, checking my invisible watch. 

"I felt like the time dragged on forever," He sighed. "But Nikki told me that it's been a month since I've cut. I can't believe it."

"I can." I put my arm around him. "I'm so proud of you." He smiled at me while we left the place. "In fact, I think we should do something to celebrate," I went on. 

"More kisses?" He asked excitedly. (Nikki's 'incentive' plan worked better than anyone had expected. Physical affection was Johnnie's favorite trade-off. Kissing being added to the list as of last week. Sometimes I felt like he pretended to be in a really dark mood just to get this affection. Usually, though, it was genuine. It made me sad that he was in such a dark place, but happy he'd found a replacement.)

I laughed. "If you want. But I was thinking something more special. I dunno, like giant sundaes or...the freedom to buy any two items you want or something along those lines."

Johnnie bit his lip. "I forgot something."

"What?"

"You're paying for Nikki's sessions. How do you have the money to afford someone that good?"

"Nikki doesn't believe in that shit."

"What?" He stopped walking. "What does that mean?"

"He won't charge a thousand dollars for a session because he thinks it's bullshit that insurance doesn't cover mental healthcare. He says a scar on your heart will heal so much slower than a scar on your arm. So the first two sessions are free, and then everything following that amounts based on the needs of the patient and the ability that person has to pay." I counted off on my fingers. "So I'm paying about twenty dollars a session, which, in hindsight, is fantastic."

(A/n: This is true and untrue. Insurance covers SOME mental healthcare. But the coverage is extremely limited, and you cannot see any therapist that you want. It's wacky, and I agree with the REAL Nikki when he said that not covering addiction recovery and mental healthcare is bullshit)

"That sounds too good to be true."

"You needed the best, so I gotcha the best." I grabbed his hand and we continued on walking. 

"You're too good to me."

"Nuh-uh," I shook my head. "You're not good enough to yourself."

He doesn't respond, but I can tell I've made the conversation awkward. I changed the subject. "But back to the original topic at hand. How do you wanna celebrate?"

"I don't know," He said dully. The happiness he'd been showing earlier was long gone now. Sad Johnnie's back. 

We came to the car and I opened the door for him, being real gentlemanlike. (It made me feel good to be able to show off all proper. I don't know why.) He slid into the seat, arms crossed. The neutral expression on his face sinking in again. I poked his arm. "Cheer up, love."

"Can you just take me home?"

I can't think of a worse time to throw my next question at him, so I did it anyways. "Speaking of home. I was thinking." I walked around the other side of the car, getting in the driver's side before I continued on. "I was thinking maybe I could extend my stay a little more...permanently."

"You want to move in?" Johnnie asked. He sounded really surprised. "Isn't that a huge step considering we're not even officially together?"

"We've been on four or five dates, and technically we've already lived together for two months. It's worked out great, and I don't really wanna go back to living alone now."

 I put the car in drive while Johnnie thought about in silence. Over the radio, Youth Gone Wild started to play quietly in the background. "Haven't heard this song in ages," He sighed, finally. I spin the volume dial up real high, letting the music drown out all other thought.

We spent the rest of the car ride screaming out 80's rock songs at the top of our lungs. I didn't get my answer during that car ride. I didn't get it after, either. 

I never received my answer to the question in so many words. 

And to this day I wonder what might've happened if I actually did get the answer. Because after that car ride, Johnnie threw his arms around my neck and kissed me. He told me that he wanted to be my boyfriend, and I his. He said he couldn't imagine not being official anymore, so I agreed excitedly. 

So has been the tale of two lovers, a depressing story with a strange ending. An ending worthy of Hollywood, nonetheless. So I digress, I think that Johnnie would be happy with my last part concluding here. I wonder what more he's going to tell...