Even In Pieces [bxb]

Chapter 31

Zachary

Alice sat down and placed her carry bag on the table. She fixed me with a steely glare. "Talk."

I raise my eyebrows at her. "How are you, Alice? I am busy with this assignment, but of course you don't care about that."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Stop deflecting. What the fuck happened between you and Everett to make you both act like you both are in an episode of the bachelorette? Fucking annoying drama."

"I find it disturbing that you watch Bachelorette."

"Deflecting." She points out.

I sigh. "We broke up?"

Just saying that makes me feel empty inside. God, I miss him. But it's like I expected this to happen. That I knew I was going to hurt him. There was always a part of me that thought this would happen sooner or later. Everett didn't deserve to have someone who would have one foot in and the other out.

Alice snorts. "Are you asking me?"

"No. We broke up."

"Bullshit," Alice spits out. "Everett's been completely out of it and so have you, for a whole week. I don't know who messed up what, but get your shit together and sort it out before I decide to lock you both up in a storage closet and make you both talk."

"There's nothing to sort out. He doesn't want me to talk to him and I think I need to respect that." I say. Who would have thought it would hurt this much?

"When have you both ever been this considerate about each other before? So why start now. If he doesn't want to talk, you make him." Alice says it like it's a world known fact.

But I hurt him. I made him look like he was broken.

I smile at her. "Shit happened. My fault, alright. Just can we not talk about it?"

If I start talking, I am afraid that I might start crying. That is the last thing I want to do. The only person I have cried in front of in years is Everett. My heart jumps at that thought, it feels like someone is setting fire to it inside my chest.

Alice's eyes soften, and she brings her hand to mine and squeezes. "Why Zach? Why is it your fault?"

I look at her, biting my lips. Talking about it feels like it'll make it real. But then again, this is Alice. She's always been there trying to get me to let her in. Always knowing that it was hard for me and not pushing.

"I don't know, Alice. The baggage I carry is too much. It's like I have one foot in and the other out. I let him see it all, all that bullshit that I carry around, and I felt like he would leave. Like it was a fixed thing that he would leave. Why would Everett have to deal with someone so half-assed?"

Alice slides her chair closer to me, but she doesn't do anything else. She doesn't look at me with pity or sadness. She looks like she is contemplating the logic of it all. It is as if she knows there's something meaningful in what I said.

She nods at me. "I get exactly what you said. But what you missed is that Everett knew this. As you said, you showed him your bullshit. He still stayed."

"But I left him. I didn't try at all. He shouldn't have to deal with this baggage. He shouldn't have to wait for me. I didn't even fight for him when he told me he doesn't want that. I just left." I whisper.

Alice narrows her eyes. "He wanted to, Zach. Just let him do his thing because that's what he wanted. He wanted you whole, and I understand that completely."

My blood rushes in my arteries. He wanted me and I know that, but what if I wasn't worth that want?

"What if I am not worth that want?" I ask her, feeling more vulnerable than I ever have.