Falling Colors

Chapter Forty: I Should Have Killed Myself

A week before... 

     I clenched and unclenched my fists.  It was getting ridiculous how late they were staying out.  Did he really think it was okay to stay out until all hours of the night with her?  They only lived together, it's not like they didn't see each other every waking hour.  

      Goddamn date nights.  I hated them.  I hated them so much.  The slightly tipsy giggles, the low whispers, the obnoxiously loud kisses -- it all had to stop.  Did he forget he was once married?  That the love of his life was dead?  That he had a daughter at home who could hear all this?  

      Sure, Leigh was great.  She made my dad all better.  She made him happier. She did a lot of things for him.  But what about me?  Didn't I do that too?  Why didn't I get to go out with him on special occasions?  Why didn't he think of me before he decided to stay out all night.  Did he forget I took care of him?  

      I sat on the edge of my bed, my fists still clenching and unclenching.  Tonight I was going to tell him and Leigh exactly what I was thinking.  I was going to tell them both how much they sucked and how I hated them.  How I hated them for how they made me feel so alone.  How I hated everything about them.   

      Yeah, it will probably hurt them, but what about me?  Haven't they noticed how hurt I've been?  How I've lost ten pounds in the past two weeks?  How heavy the bags are under my eyes?  Don't they hear my screams at night that wake me up?  Don't they care?  

      No, they don't.  And neither do I.  I'm going to give it back to them.  I'm going to show them just how broken and unhappy I really am.  That'll show them.   

       I heard the front door unlock and the low high-pitched giggles of them both.  I looked at the glowing red numbers on my alarm clock.  It was 2am.  This was not okay.  

       Getting up from the edge of my bed I made way down the staircase, trying to ignore the sounds of their kissing.  I couldn't block them out though, it only added more fuel to my fire.  I was going to give them a piece of my mind.  

      They were lying on the couch, Leigh underneath my dad, her arms wrapped around his neck.  Between kisses I could hear soft moans and giggles and a whisper.  They were like hormonal teenagers.  

     "Hey!" I shouted loudly.  

     My dad tumbled to the floor, and Leigh adjusted her shirt.  Both their eyes were wide and their mouths slightly hung open.  Leigh's hair was a mess, not in its usual neat pony tail, and my dad's hair didn't look much better.  

     "Hi hon," Leigh said breathlessly trying to hide her embarrassment.  "We thought you were asleep."  

      "Hey, O," my dad said walking over to me.   

      I folded my arms across my chest and gave them both my coldest glare. "Don't act like this is normal. What the hell is the matter with you?!"  

      My dad took a step back from me.  "Excuse me?"  

      "You heard me.  What the hell is the matter with you?  You're acting like she's your wife.  She's not.  Mom is your wife, or did you forget that?"  

       He swallowed hard.  Leigh looked away and got busy fixing her hair.  

      "Stop acting like you love her, when you don't.  You love Mom.  Or I thought you did."  

      "I do, sweetheart," my dad began.  

     "Then act like it.  She's not my mom.  She's just some roll in the hay for you.  She's worthless, Dad!" I shouted.   

     "She makes me better!" my dad said loudly.  "Don't you act like you don't notice that.  You remember how bad I was after your mother died.  You know how heartbroken I was.  I still love you mother, but I love Leigh too!  Don't you --"  

     "Don't you fucking say that she's the one who "fixed you".  She isn't.  She doesn't make you better.  I made you better.  I took care of you!  I was eleven and I took care of my dad.  How does that sound to you?  Yeah it sounds like it sucks, right?  It does. While you're off getting better, I'm stuck here not getting better.  Did you ever think about me?  Your child who had no idea how to even make anything besides a bowl of cereal?  Did you ever think about how I needed you?! How much I need you now?" My chest rose and fell and I felt out of breath.  

      "I didn't notice... You seemed fine... I didn't know--"  

      "No you didn't!"  I was crying now.  Not because I was sad, but because I was angry.  I was so angry.  Why did it take me so long to realize all this?  I should have just killed myself.  I should have killed myself when my mom died.  It would have made things so much easier.  It would have made everyone so much happier.  It would have made me happier.  

     My dad took a few steps towards me, his arms outstretched.  

     "Don't touch me!" I shouted slapping his arms away.  "Don't come near me.  Don't talk to me.  Don't do anything.  Do you understand?  The time for that is over!"  

      "Odette, please.."  

       I stalked away with one thought going through my head.   

_______

Two and a half months... i'm really sorry guys.  Life is busy now.  I have so much going on.  I'd love to list it all off, but that would be personal and boring to you, haha.  But thank you everyone who has been following this story!  The support is amazing and I appreciate every vote, read and comment (especially the comments ;)) 

I'm going to try and finish this story because it really bothers me that I don't have it completed and my updates are so infrequent.  So I ight just bombard you guys with updates in the next following weeks... I don't know.  No promises. 

Thank you so much again and I hope you comment and vote! P.S. Not edited.