Falling Colors

Chapter Four: A Walk

     I sat in Dr. Jacks office more annoyed than usual.  It had been two days since my last visit and since then my dad had called her three times and she had called him twice.  Obviously they were talking about me, probably trying to find new ways to get me to talk. 

      My dad talking to Dr. Jacks on the phone wasn’t the main reason I was annoyed.  I was mostly annoyed because my therapist wanted to discuss why I refused to accept Leigh into my life.  How that was any of her business, I would never know.

       “Are you afraid she is trying to take the place of your mother?  It is perfectly normal if you are afraid of that,” Dr. Jacks said, trying to catch my eye.  As usual my gaze was trained outside the window staring at the park.

      The leaves had gotten a little yellower in the past two days, but they were still plenty green.  Fall would be here soon and even though I wouldn’t be able to go outside and enjoy it, I was still excited for it.  My bedroom overlooked all the trees in our yard and I could spend hours staring out my window watching the colors fall from the trees.

      “… And your father has agreed that this would be best for you,” she finished with a dramatic sigh and questioning look on her face.  I had been ignoring her the whole five minutes she was talking to me. 

      Slowly dragging my gaze from the window I gave her a questioning look.  Giving me a critical look she murmured something under her breath that I didn’t catch.

      “Do you believe that you are unable to talk, Odette or is it that you don’t want to?” She stared at me as if she were trying to will the words to form from my mouth. 

       Narrowing my eyes, I glared at her defiantly. 

       “Since I can’t seem to get you to talk, Mr. Green, your father, has agreed with me that I am no longer able to help you.”

       No longer able to… When did you ever help me? I thought sarcastically.

     “So our therapy sessions are coming to an end,” she said matter-of-factly.

      Oh happy day. I inwardly beamed to myself. Free to wallow in self pity three more days a week  from the comfort of my own home.

      “But you will be going to group therapy instead,” Dr. Jacks finished.

       Sadly I didn’t hide the shock and disappointment from my face; this earned a smug look from Dr. Jacks.  She looked pleased to finally get a reaction out of me; a reaction besides hate and annoyance.

      “You will be working with Dr. Cleo Patricks.  She’s quite famous in the therapist world.  I think you’ll like her.”  She was jotting down something on a pad of paper and her nose scrunched up as she spoke; like when she was getting annoyed with me. “Give this number to your father today.  He’ll have to call and confirm that you will be going.  Make sure he gets this note.”  She gave me a stern look knowing full well I would throw it away as soon as I left the office.  “Otherwise, you’ll be sent to the mental hospital since I have signed off as your psychiatrist.”

      Leaning forward, I reached across her desk and snatched the note from her.  Meeting her gaze evenly I stuffed the note in my pocket and gave a curt nod. 

      “Well, that’s it then.  Do you have any questions for me?”  She was already standing and making her way to the door, giving me my cue to leave.  I hadn’t even been in with her for forty-five minutes.  It was more like a half hour, which was half the time I was scheduled for.  My dad wouldn’t be here for another twenty minutes at least.

        Opening the door she exhaled loudly.  “It’s been nice working with you, Odette,” she said, giving me a kind closed mouth smile.  “I really hope Cleo can help you.”

      Getting up from the chair I didn’t even look at her as I walked out the door. 

      Once outside, Jessica said goodbye to me as well and wished me luck just as her boss had.  I ignored her like I did every other time with every greeting and farewell she gave me.  Nothing was going to change just because I was leaving.  Nothing changes when you leave.  Things change after you leave.

       When I stepped out into the crisp September air, I looked around the parking lot for my father’s or Leigh’s car, but they were nowhere to be seen.  Thinking it was odd that they weren’t there, I craned my neck around and looked onto the road to see if they were driving up, but they weren’t. 

      Dr. Jacks would have called them to them I was going to be let out early, wouldn’t she?  I wasn’t allowed to ever be alone.  Annoyed that no one was there to pick me up, I sat down on the curb and pulled the note from my back pocket to read what Dr. Jacks wanted my dad to do.

Odette,

Go for a walk around the park. 

Maybe that will lift your spirits.

~ Dr.J

     Taken aback by the note, I looked over my shoulder suspiciously expecting to see Dr, Jacks standing there watching me with her therapist gaze, notepad in hand waiting to take notes to see how I reacted, I relaxed when I didn’t see her there.  Slowly I got to my feet and began walking down the sidewalk to the park.

       The heels of my suede boots clicked on the cement and gave me the feeling of empowerment.  Whenever I wore heels, which was typically always, I felt important.  The sound of them clicking busily on the ground and I being taller than my usual five-foot-three height lifted my confidence. 

     A few minutes later I was in the park, strolling just like I had wanted to for the past four months.  A walk alone was all I had wanted and now I was getting it.  For the first time in months I felt almost happy.  This was the closet I’d get to it for a while.

       As I walked down the path and ignored the stares from the geese and pigeons and passing by squirrels I thought about Cleo Patricks and the group therapy I would now be going to.  It would be completely different than what I had been doing the past three months and three weeks with Dr. Jacks.

       On a House M.D.  episode I remember Dr. House having to go to group therapy and there was a lot of talking involved; something I didn’t do.  Then again he was in a mental hospital there so maybe this place would be different.  A nagging feeling told me the little bit of hope I had that it would be different was wrong.  It would be exactly like that.  I would just be with a lot more Dr. Jacks instead of just one.

       All too soon I was done with my walk around the park and looking at my watch I saw it was time for my dad to be picking me up.  Reluctantly I trudged back to the parking lot of the therapeutic practice and waited not even two minutes before my dad pulled up in his pickup truck.

      Hopping into the car I buckled up, ignoring him.  At one time I might have given him a kiss hello or even just a hello.  Now, I acted like he wasn’t even there, and he acted like everything was the same, when obviously it was the farthest thing from it. 

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Dedicated to Maitha.  A talented writer and a great friend.