Tuesday was the day of the week my dad and Leigh were both home all day. During this day every week they liked to try and do some type of family bonding time. Sometimes it was family game day other times it was an outing to a restaurant. The options were endless on family type things they wanted to do.
It goes without saying I hated Tuesdays. I hated the way both Leigh and my father came rushing into my room Tuesday mornings excited like this was the day of the week we all looked forward to. It wasn’t though. Not even halfway through whatever activity or adventure we were doing my dad would finally give up on trying to include me.
This was the best part of whatever family type thing we were doing. Finally I was free of having to listen to my dad’s feeble attempts of saying how fun this was or Leigh saying how great that was.
When Leigh and my dad came crashing through my doorframe this Tuesday morning, I was already awake, showered, and dressed. They stopped dead in their tracks and stared at me dumbfounded. I hadn’t been out of bed before ten a.m. in months.
“You feeling okay, kiddo?” my dad asked, cautiously walking into my room and opening the blinds.
Leigh shot my dad a look that read she didn’t appreciate my dad’s comment. “Good morning, hon!” She stayed in her placed by the door. “You ready to start your day with a bowl of dinosaur egg oatmeal?”
Disgusted I glared at her from the corner of my eye.
I had woken up at eight and decided instead of staying in bed until ten and having my dad and Leigh wake me up, I would shower and get ready to get the tortuous day ahead over with. Also the thought of taking away their little morning joy of waking me up seemed appealing.
“Guess where we’re going today?” my dad asked, walking away from my window that now had the autumn sun shining through it brightly.
Shrugging I put my feet onto the floor and grabbed my sweater that was at the edge of the bed and pushed past Leigh and my dad and walked down the stairs and to the kitchen.
A few seconds later I heard Leigh and my dad tumbling down the stairs after me. By the time they entered the kitchen I was eating my lukewarm dinosaur egg oatmeal; a childhood favorite of mine.
Leigh poured my dad and herself a bowl of cornflakes with milk and munched away quietly. They both stared at me leery, like I had two heads or something.
“We’re having a father-daughter day today.” My dad beamed at me excitedly.
Surprised I stopped mid bite, looking up at my dad. He was srious? We hadn’t done anything with just the two of us since Leigh moved in. Everything we did, we did with Leigh like we were a family of three and not two.
“Leigh is going out to work today so I thought it would be a good time for us to do some bonding. Doesn’t that sound nice?” he sounded desperate for me to respond. The perkiness in his voice was too strained, and I could tell he was only slightly more excited for this day than I was.
I nodded my head slowly showing I understood what he said, and went back to eating my oatmeal making sure to get no more than one candy dinosaur in each bite. I liked to savor them.
“As soon as you’re done eating we can leave.” My dad got up from the table leaving his bowl of untouched cornflakes. Leigh cast a weary glance at him, but didn’t catch his eye because his back was turned to her.
Looking back at me she gave me the same look. My eyes narrowed with question at her, but she didn’t elaborate. She went back to slowly munching on her cornflakes, avoiding any eye contact with me.
Ten minutes later I was in my dad’s pickup truck. The radio was on, and my dad tapped his hands on the wheel to the beat of the song. He was nervous about something, and I had a feeling I would be finding out what it was soon.
When we drove out of town that’s when I knew exactly where we were going. I wanted to get out of the car then. I didn’t want to continue the drive or the “father-daughter boding day”. Being stuck in the house with Leigh all day bonding with her sounded more appealing; anything but what we were about to do.
“Odette,” he began turning down the radio.
Whipping my head to stare out my window, I did all I could to tune him out and not look at him. Almost like a magnet my gaze turned to his though, I couldn’t stop what was happening.
“We’re going to go visit your mother today. We haven’t done that in a while and I thought that—” he paused trying to stop the sob that was trying to escape his throat. “It would be nice. She’s probably lonely.”
Yeah, right, I thought bitterly. She’s the one who’s with everyone she ever loved. I’m stuck down here with Dad who has pretty much forgotten I exist and he ever had a first wife.
He didn’t say anything more for the rest of the car drive there. He fidgeted in his seat and played with his side mirrors, trying anything to take his mind off of it.
It had been almost a year since we last visited my mother’s grave. I had gone a few times alone before I had attempted my suicide to talk to her about what I hoped to gain from this decision. I figured if anyone could understand it would be her.
My mother hadn’t killed herself, nothing as dramatic as that. She had just gotten sick – so sick she died. She died peacefully in her sleep at home where she was around everyone that loved her when she left us.
At her funeral everyone had said it was such a blessing she died; she was out of pain and now somewhere in the heavens watching over us, making sure my father and I are safe. The attempted words of comfort were not comforting though, they had only made me angry.
I hadn’t wanted my mother to die and watch over me from afar, I wanted her there to watch over me. I wanted her there when I needed a hug, when I’d get my first period, when I had my first broken heart, when I had my first boyfriend. I wanted her there for all of it, not watching me from the damn sky.
Twenty minutes later we were in the St. Brookes Cemetery. My dad killed the engine and we sat in the car staring out the windshield.
The sun shown behind the clouds, the wind gently blew rustling the leaves around on the ground and on the trees. The gravestones stood in a straight line, looking cold and sad out at us. Names, dates and messages decorated them, and I did my best not to read any of them.
“I guess we better go,” my dad sighed. He unbuckled his seatbelt and waited for me to follow suit.
Slowly I unbuckled myself and let the seatbelt sweep back into its rightful place. We both put our hands on the door-handle and opened the door. My stomach lurched and I could feel tears burning my eyes and my throat beginning to close already.
My dad walked around the car and without hesitation clamped an arm around my shoulders. I didn’t glare at him or stalk away this time. I let him put his arm around me and guide me to where my mother lay buried waiting for us to visit.
YOU ARE READING
Falling Colors
Fiksi Remaja"The unfixable; the shattered; the torn; the broken. They all come here. It's my job to remake them, because once its broken there is no going back to the way it was. It must be remade." Six individuals. Six unique stories. Five exercises. One...
