Depression is a toxic feeling. It starts small, and then spreads through you whole body until it is so big that every movement you make feels like depression.
Not only is it toxic to yourself, but to everyone around you. They may not get infected right away, but eventually it will get them and there is no escape – or at least that’s how it feels.
The only way for others to not get infected is to distance them. For some this is easy. They weren’t close with the depressed anyways; they had ways to keep away; other plans with other friends; too many hours at work this week; family problems, and so much more.
The unlucky ones had no choice but to stay close and eventually be pulled into the abyss. No amount of smiles, positive thoughts, fighting to remain happy can keep them from being dragged away from what they thought was infinite. Depression catches up to everyone sooner or later.
The trees were now full into their fall colors. October was coming to a close in a few weeks and already houses were decorated for Halloween. Leaves dusted the front lawns, skeletons and spider webs hung from the almost bare branches of trees, foam gravestones were placed randomly on front lawns.
It looked how it always did – except this year I felt like it was an attack on me. How could people find entertainment in having pretend things that represented death? There was nothing pretend about death. Nothing entertaining about it.
My dad wasn’t doing any better and neither was I. I still remained silent and my dad was right on the edge of becoming completely silent.
Leigh was looking tired and worn. She seemed to have aged years in only the matter of a few days. Her once glowing blonde hair was now hanging in a limp pony tail, her skin was dull and red, her eyes heavy and tired.
“Odette, ready to go?” Leigh asked, giving a forced smile and swinging her car keys around her index finger.
Slowly I put on my boots and grabbed my black wool coat. Leigh headed out the door ahead of me, still swinging the keys to her Jeep.
The cool October air hit me and sent a shiver up my spine, as I shut the front door behind me. Leaves crunched under my feet as I walked to Leigh’s Jeep where she was waiting for me.
On the way to Cleo’s, Leigh didn’t make an attempt for conversation. She kept her gaze on the road and hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.
We were five minutes from the practice when Leigh pulled over to the side of the road. She was shaking and he lips quivered. Putting the car into parks and cutting the engine, she threw her head into her hands and sobbed. Her whole body shook, she was gasping for air, and then she looked at me with her tear filled eyes. She looked so sad, angry, lost, unsure, and broken.
I turned my gaze away, embarrassed.
“I know you don’t like me,” she choked out, “and whatever I did to make you hate me – I’m sorry.” She slammed her hands against the steering wheel, repeatedly until she went limp. “I’m so sorry. If I’m the reason you tried killing yourself… I’m sorry. I am beyond sorry. I never wanted this, and I know you didn’t either. No one really wants to die; they just want an escape, right?” She gave me a hopeful look, tears still falling freely.
Keeping my gaze trained out the window, I bit at my lower lip, trying to settle the anxiety and sadness I was feeling.
“I love your father, so much. And I’m trying really hard to be there for both you and him through this rough patch, but you aren’t making this easy,” Leigh whispered. “I know it takes time to feel better, and I know you really aren’t doing this to hurt your dad, but you are hurting him. You’re killing him, Odette. He was so broken when I first met him, remember? Remember how he was after your mother died? He was so bad. You were the light who led him back to the real world… Why can’t you do that for him again?”
Why can’t I do that for him again?
“I want everything to be okay,” Leigh said, looking out over the road. “Why can’t everything be okay again? All I wanted was for you to accept me, Odette.” She looked at me again, and I turned my head to look at her this time. “I didn’t want to be your mom, I wanted to be your family though. Yours and Neal’s. I just want us to get along and be happy. I wanted to happy and have a family and feel accepted and loved. Is that too much to ask?”
Rubbing my nose, trying to hide the tears falling, I breathed heavily. It wasn’t too much to ask because that’s all I ever wanted when my dad was depressed after my mom died. I just wanted to feel happy, loved, accepted and to have a family again.
“Please think about someone else for a little bit. You dad needs you, I need you, and you need you. If you don’t want to get better for yourself then please, do it for your dad. Get better for him, because he doesn’t deserve this. Be that person again he needed all those years ago. Be that girl who reminded him of your mother. Be the one who kept him alive.”
_________________
Unedited.
Thanks so much for reading! Updates are going to be less frequent because I have a lot on my plate right now, and I'm also not in the mood to right sad things when I'm so happy, so bare with me.
Remember to vote and comment! Don't be a slacker. :)
YOU ARE READING
Falling Colors
Teen Fiction"The unfixable; the shattered; the torn; the broken. They all come here. It's my job to remake them, because once its broken there is no going back to the way it was. It must be remade." Six individuals. Six unique stories. Five exercises. One...
