Raise a Glass to Freedom

Chapter 14

Trigger Warning- Mentions of abuse and self harm

John POV

*The day he gets out of hospital*

Alex keeps asking me if I'm ok, I've told him 1000 times I am, but he just won't get off my back about being careful and stuff. Jefferson got arrested the other night, I guess thats good. I should feel safe now, but I dont. He wont really be gone until after the trial if he goes to jail and even thats not very likely. We dont really have any evidence against him. Alex keeps saying we do because I have so many bruises and I can testify and everything but Its not that simple. I cant just get up in front of everyone and tell them how he hurt me, especially if hes in the room.

I shouldnt have told Peggy about any of this. I know she wants to help but Ive just hurt everyone since she found out. Everything was fine before I told her. The others all saw me happy, Alex didnt get hurt, and I had finally worked out how to live with Thomas. "John, let me carry you to the car, you shouldnt walk yet"Alex insists.

"No Alex, Im fine and either way you wouldnt be able to carry me." I walk out to his car. No matter how much I protested he insisted on driving me home. We still havent really talked. I feel kinda bad. He said he loves me, but I cant date him. Not after Thomas, I would hurt him somehow and I cant do that again. Alex gets in the car and starts driving back to the dorm.

"Im gonna drive through maccas, do you want anything?" He asks. I just shake my head. He looks at me and sighs. "John the doctors said you have to start eating more, please have something" I just shake my head again. "John please-" I cut him off

"I said no, just leave me alone!" I exclaim. He sighs and orders his food. When we arrive back at the college, he locks the car doors and turns to look at me. I start panicking, what does he want? Is he gonna hit me? Or rape me? "H-however you're going to hurt me p-please just make it quick."

"What? John Im not going to hurt you" He replies. Yes, he is, why wouldnt he. "I just wanna talk" I look at him then the doors. I wouldnt be able to unlock the doors and run out without him stopping me and even if I did, we share a dorm ugh I hate this. "I know you must be nervous about Jeffersons trial, but you know he cant win all you need to do is explain what he did"

"Well then hes gonna be found innocent because Im not saying anything to anyone." I reply.

"What? John, you have to. Please" He begs, I shake my head. "But then hell come after you and youll get even more hurt. I mean maria could tell them about him raping her but since its not what he was arrested for they might not take it as evidence, he has to go to jail, I cant let him keep hurting you that-" I cut him off before he fully panics.

"Alex! Its none of your business! I'll tell them I stabbed myself then things can go back to how they were"

"What you getting beat up for no reason?!" I flinch a little when he yells.

"I get back with Jefferson, He hits me when I fuck up, and you guys dont notice, and I dont tell you. Things were fine that way, so just leave it!" I unlock the door and run out. Thankfully, he doesnt stop me. I run inside and go to James Madisons dorm.

He opens the door and looks at me confused. "Uh What are you doing here?" He asks. I look over his shoulder and see Thomas. Wait what? How is he here? James moves so I cant see past him. "What are you doing here?"

"I-I umm" I get distracted. If Thomas is here, I need to see him. "Uh sorry is Thomas here? I thought I saw him if he is I need to talk to him." I explain. Jefferson walks up to the door and looks at me. I start getting nervous, but I came here for a reason, so I guess now I gotta follow through. "H-Hit me" I stutter.

"Hit you?" He repeats confused. I nod and brace myself for him to hit me, but he doesnt "No. Theres not point punishing you if you want it" He slams the door in my face. I sigh and turn around to walk back to my room. Not even my fucking abusive boyfriend will hit me. I walk into the dorm and into my room. I lock the door and grab my knife, just before I can cut my wrists Alex opens the door.

"John I-" He stops when he sees me. I quickly hide the knife under my pillow but its too late, I know hes already seen it. "John"  he walks over to me and sits on my bed.

"Please just leave me alone" I look down and pull down my sleeves, so they cover my hands. Alex tilts my head up; I flinch when he does. "Just go" I say again. He shakes his head and hugs me. I dont do anything. I just sit there. No one was supposed to know about any of this. I go to take out my hair but then remember Thomas cut it. I sigh and stand up to walk out.

"John please talk to me, I wanna help you" Alex stands up as well and holds my hands. I pull them back.

"I dont wanna talk" I reply. He sighs which makes me flinch.

"John Im not going to hurt you, I promise. If you dont wanna talk lets go out for dinner?" I look at him. A date? No. I cant. not now, not ever. "Not like a date, I know you dont want that Just to make you feel better."

"I dont wanna eat..." I look back down.

"Then lets get drunk. If you dont wanna talk about it thats ok, but I dont want you to just sit here and think so if you need a distraction, were gonna go to a bar" He looks at me. I nod. He smiles a bit and leads me out.

"Wait." He stops and looks at me. "Give me a minute" I walk into the bathroom and put on some make up, mainly just a lot of concealer and a bit of mascara. I walk back out to Alex. "Ok, we can leave now." He just nods and starts walking out.

When we get to the bar we walk in, and its pretty crowded in here and I notice Alex tense up a little bit. I take his hand and lead him to a table in the corner away from everyone. He smiles a little and gets up some drinks.

Word Count: 1178