𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲

touché

No words come out of my mouth, I can't think of any. I need to get away. I need to comprehend. I just want to feel anything, or anyway other than how I feel right now.

Instead of breaking down into a puddle of never-ending tears, I clean up Hannah's mess. I pick up the food that she left on the counter, wipe off the table, sweep up the floors, and mop. Even though sweeping and mopping the floor isn't required.

After I calm down a small bit, I make my way back up the stairs and to my bedroom to find Lukas under the covers watching television. He looks over at me with a restless look, deciphering my dazed expression. "You okay?" he asks after a few seconds of silence and I let out a long, tired sigh.

"Let me take an educated guess," I say slipping out of my dress, not caring that I'm half naked underneath, "You heard all of that downstairs, didn't you?"

Lukas doesn't bother to look at my body, and I find myself appreciating that he can take me serious in certain situations. He nods his head up and down giving me a silent yes.

I sigh again, "To tell you the absolute truth," I mumble grabbing my panties off of the floor and slipping them onto my legs, "I don't even know."

I walk over to my dresser and dig in one of my drawers to find an oversized t-shirt to sleep in. I don't feel like taking a shower tonight I'm just too tired. "Who was that?" he asks "Downstairs, I mean."

"My best friend Hannah." I answer slipping the shirt over my head. I fight the crack that wants to break through my voice, when I remember her shallow words. A single tear slips out of my eyes and I wipe it away quickly. I'm trying to fight the other tears that I know want to break their way out of me.

I shouldn't cry in front of him. I shouldn't be vulnerable. But I can't stop the hot tears that continue to pour out of my eyes. I can't help but feel alone because ultimately, I am without her. I have no other friends, and the rest of my family hates me because of my parent's.

Before I know it, I'm overthinking like I always do. The tears overcome me out of nowhere, and I feel myself slowly shutting down. Before he gets the chance to see, I run towards my bathroom and shut the door.

The thoughts are pushing through my head, and I feel it again, that extreme lonely feeling I always feel. My back is pressed to my bathroom door, and my head is laid on my knees while heavy sobs rack through my body.

Her words repeat through my head, and I find my own inner thoughts joining in as well. I feel them slowly chipping away at me, calling me worthless and telling me that I have no reason to keep going.

"You always were a rich, selfish bitch."

And it's true. Every bit of it. It's exactly why no one ever tried to talk to me in school.

After a few minutes of crying I hear a low knock, "Open up" the voice behind the door says. I don't respond or react, but instead I try to quiet down the crazed hiccupping sound I'm making.

"I'm coming in." Lukas says, and immediately I feel the door opening, pushing against my back. I don't stop him, I have no energy to. Once he's finally in the bathroom he just looks down at me.

"Get in the shower," he orders while handing me a pair of clean underwear and a towel.

I shake my head no, "I don't feel like it."

"You'll feel better after taking one, trust me." he says, sitting down next to me by the door. He leans his head back on the door, which causes it to close again. I shake my head again, as another tear falls down my cheeks.

I'm losing her, just like I've lost everybody else.

I've seen it already, her slick remarks, how we barely talk now since my mom died. She was always there right beside me through it all. She was there when my mom died and when my dad left. She stayed up all night and kept me company. But to be honest, even through all of that she couldn't have been more far.