Cat's Love & The Secrets of Space: An Eric Singer & Tommy Thayer Story

Chapter 2- If You Only Knew (Tommy Thayer POV)

A/N: New chapter!

I don't deserve Eric, I feel I don't deserve my husband. I love him, truly I do...but the fears I have if he knew the full truth of what my ex-wife did, God I can't even speak her name...I just can't. To say she was cruel is an understatement.... she was verbally abusive and then some. She also hurt me, physically. There's also the issue of my self-esteem or lack thereof.... she made me feel like a freak...less than human and what had made it worse was she'd found out I had the ability to get pregnant.

All of this led to night-terrors, nightmares and more...I had stayed because I thought I deserved it. If it weren't for Eric, I would have been gone a long time ago. Still, I bottle things up if Eric found out the truth...he's gone I feel. It's what I fear, believe me I WANT to let go of the past.... but its near impossible.

Somethings can't be hidden, certain behaviors: my skittishness, nightmares, paranoia...to name a few. And there's the fact that once a month I get extremely moody and get cravings, like I'm pregnant, but I'm not. Eric is my rock though, he's loved me for years....and he's been my biggest reason to live, he's kept me going. I can tell from how he looks at me, that he's worried, but I can see he really loves me. He doesn't push me; he just lets me know he's there. Without him.... I can't imagine....and oh there's another thing I should mention, several years ago....I think about five roughly....My ex-wife suddenly just up & left....I had assumed it was because she was screwing around or just wanted someone else to hurt...all I know is I got divorce papers by mail....who the fuck does that? Someone whose cruelty, knows no bounds...that's who.

Currently, Eric & I are eating the amazing dinner he made...he's such a good cook and a sweetheart. My love if you only knew, you are the only thing that keeps me tethered to this life...even if it feels like I'm barely here.

"Tommy, baby? Your awfully quiet...", Eric looks concerned.

"Sorry, just thinking about things....my past...Sorry to worry you Kitty.", I manage a small smile.

Eric sighs before reaching over and covering one of my hands with his, "Don't apologize Tommy, I can imagine how painful it was for you...is for you...but my love, I promise you no matter what I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Of Course, I hope one day you will share everything with me, but only when you're ready."

"Oh Eric! Thank you...I love you.", I choke out as he reaches out & gently thumbs away my tears, I flinch I can't help it, but Eric, it doesn't faze him.... For he brings me into a sweet kiss and it's always like the first time...always.

"I love you too Tom.... Now let's finish eating...and oh I made your favorite chocolate crème pie!", Eric bounces in place at the last part and I chuckle.

"You know Gene has like dessert sonar & the nose of a blood hound.... better not say that too loudly now kitty!", I tease & let loose a laugh.... Eric laughs with me eyes soft.

"Your right babe, but don't worry I am sure Paul is already on the dessert blood hounds case!", Eric laughs.

"They'd just 'work it off anyway', "I shudder at the thought, because Eric & I have both at different times caught Paul & Gene screwing one another's brains out.... it's not imagery one wants in their head.

"Oh, yeah...well hey let's talk about something else.", Eric says & so we change the subject again and resume making small talk & we finish dinner after a bit & of course the delicious dessert my husband made as well.

I help Eric washes dishes and outwardly at least I relax.... Eric, my love...my rock....my one source of any kind of strength...if only you knew, truly knew everything...from my past to how very much you & your love mean to me...though, on the love...if the way those eyes shine is any indication, I think you for sure have an idea.

We finish watching dishes and I turn to Eric, "Kitty.... can we watch a movie? Something funny, I want to try & take my mind off things."

"We absolutely can! We can watch your favorite, 'Young Frankenstein'.", Eric smiles and pulls me into a kiss.

"Can we have popcorn too? I mean I know we had dessert & dinner, but...um...", I trail off sheepishly.

"Hell, yes we can have popcorn! It's not a movie without it!", Eric is totally on board the popcorn train.... enthusiastically on board & it warms my heart.

Popcorn is made & I curl up to Eric as we start to watch the movie...Both of us quote thru out the movie & it's really helping me keep my mind off things. I need moments like this, I crave & love moments like this.

I sit here with you Eric, and I feel safe...but a little uneasy.... bottling up shit, it takes a hell of a toll. But, you...you get me to hang on...you're here.....I just want all this to go away....to be completely free...someday Eric, I hope....I wish I felt more worthy of your love!

A/N: Cant wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter! Much love!.....Chapter 2 of When Lightning Strikes Sixx is next on my update list!