When You Left

XI

I decided to tackle the photos and gifts today. It took some time, random memories popping to the front of my head space. Some made me tear up, others made me cry. It was relatively easier to be done with the gifts than the photos.

The photos made my heart hurt. We had so many. From when you asked me to be your girlfriend, from our first official date and from many others that came after. When we met each other's parents, and a lot from other random outings we had been on.

Each one evoked a new, fresh wave of emotion. Some worse than others. Each one brought on a new memory or promise. Each one wounding my heart.

I couldn't get rid of them all in the end. I kept the ring and the hoodie along with the necklace you gave me on our first day as a couple. It was a small silver pendant, with my name engraved on it. 

I also keep the letter and the framed photo of us along with the one we took on our first date. I couldn't bring myself to let them go. They meant too much to me.

Just like you.

Because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to let you go. I loved you too much. I still do.

I don't know how to live without you. Or maybe it's because I don't want  to. And it's killing me.

I haven't been to work ever since you left. My phone's ringing off the hook from messages from my boss, colleagues and friends. I replied to the ones from my boss, saying that I wouldn't be able to make it for at least some more time. He understood. I replied to a couple others too.

I'm staring at the blank television screen, remote idle in my hand. I turn it on, desperate for a distraction. I put on the first movie in my list, curling myself into a ball on the sofa.

The movie plays. It doesn't do much to distract me. Because my mind wanders back to you. Like it always does. And like always, I cry.