When You Left

XIV

I feel hollow, empty. Like I've been completely cleaned out of everything inside. And maybe I have. It's so hard and it hurts so much. It's too painful.

I'm not even trying to fix myself. I'm too tired to care anymore. It's not just the fact that the person I loved the most left me. That they left when I thought they'd be the one who'd stay. I'm not broken because I lost my love, I'm broken because I lost myself.

Somewhere along the road to loving you, I lost myself. I cared about you so much, I forgot about me. So in the end, while you might be part of the reason I'm unrepairable, I'm the root cause.

I didn't love myself enough. I gave you all the love I was capable of giving, leaving none for the person who should've mattered more to me.

I tried to be okay again. I really did. But I didn't succeed. It hurt to live with the realization that the one I gave all my love to, even the love meant for myself, left me without as much as a second glance. 

It hurt that I didn't even bother to save any for myself in the first place.