When You Left

XII

My emotions have never been so raw. I always had trouble expressing how I felt, to myself and to others. I tried my best not to cry. Because I knew it would burden those around me.

Sometimes when we fought, you would get mad and walk away. I locked myself up in the bathroom and cried silently, hidden from view.

But you caught me. You made me open the door. One look at my tear stained face and all the anger in yours melted away. Your eyes softened. You pulled me into a hug, muttering soft apologies.

I knew it hurt you. Seeing me cry. Seeing me sad. But you told me not to hide it. To tell you. To let you know so that you could comfort me. Make me feel better.

And whenever I did, you always had the same solution. You'd play the piano and sing me a song. I loved seeing how your fingers danced over the keys, so gracefully. I loved how the words rolled off your tongue, flawlessly and beautifully. By the end of it, I'd feel like I was soaring. I'd ask you to play another. And another.

And you always did.

I missed that so much now. The perfect blend of your voice and the melody. The comfort they brought.

Every time I got lost, I found myself finding my way back home. Back to you. And you were always there, with open arms. You were the light that lit up my dark life, that made me find a piece of myself.

So when you left, I lost that piece of myself too.

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I was staring at the piano. The one you loved to play. The one I loved to see  you play. The house was almost always filled with its soulful music. I'd be cleaning or doing chores around the house while you played.

I get up and sit on the seat. I didn't know how to play it but you taught me a couple songs. I brush over the velvet keys lightly with my fingers. They come to rest in the middle.

As if they had a mind if their own, my fingers start moving, playing a familiar tune. 

Fix you. (Coldplay)

It was one of the songs you played the most. I fell in love with it and we declared it our  song. I close my eyes. Emotions build up inside me, flowing out of my fingertips and into the music. Once the song ended, my eyes flutter open and a single tear drops onto my face. I feel it flow down my chin and onto one of the keys. 

I wipe it away.

This song means something to me. And I know that, at one point, it meant something to you too. That I  meant something to you.

You promised me once that if I ever happened to break, you'd be there to fix me.  But I never would have thought that you, who promised to fix me, would be the reason I'd be broken.