When You Left

XV

When I was young, I'd go stargazing with my parents every weekend. I loved it. It was my favorite time of the week. I'd wait for the moment my father got home and we'd drive away from the chaos of the city. We'd go to an open field far away and just before sun-down. We'd lay out a blanket and set up food and our telescope.

As the sun set deeper and deeper, the darkness of the night setting in, the starts would come out. They'd shine one by one, small lights filling up the dark sea slowly. Some time later, the sky would be full of them.

They looked beautiful. 

My parents told me that we were made of stardust. And that when we die, we turned into stars, completing the cycle. I loved that after we died, we got to live as something so beautiful and bright. Regardless of the life we lived as humans, in the end we got to live as something that twinkled without a care. Good or bad, all stars shine in the end.

I hadn't stargazed once after they passed away. The only time I did, was on one of our dates. You took me for a picnic. Once it started becoming dark, you laid out blankets and pillows in the back of your truck. And we watched the stars.

I teared up, remembering my parents, and when I told you, you pulled me close and kissed my temple, saying that we'd stargaze every chance we got. So that whenever I missed them, I could look at the stars and find comfort in the fact that they were still there, watching over me from above.

The memory made it even harder. You gave me a way to feel close to my parents so I wouldn't feel lonely but, in the end, you left me too. All alone.

-----------------------

I'm on the roof of our apartment. The sky is ink black making the little balls of light pop out. Over the chaos of the bustling city below, I find peace and comfort in the melodious silence of the sky.

I take a few steps forward, letting out a small gasp when my fingers come in contact with the cold metal of then railing. I look up to the sky again, tears filling my eyes at the thought of my parents watching. I wonder if they'd be sad or happy. Crying or smiling.

I cross over the railing, one foot after the other. The metal digs into my back as I peer below. It's not very high up but it gives me vertigo. 

I let out a breathe and watch it materialize in front of me. My fingers are starting to go numb from the cold. My eyes water. I'm not sure because of what though.

I stop thinking. Let my mind go blank. I can hear my slow breathing, feel the moonlight falling on my face, the wind in my hair. It would've been exhilarating if it weren't so ruinous.

My eyelashes catch some tears, making them wet. But a few slip from their hold, flowing down my checks in thin streams. I take another shuddering breathe.

I gaze upon the sky, one last time, and smile. A last goodbye and maybe, just maybe, a new hello. "Thank you." I whisper to nothing in particular, but also everything. "See you on the other side."

I'm ready to become one of the stars. So, I let go.

----THE END----