𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐎 (𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐔𝐒) *editing*

𝐏𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 🌷

*another short chapter. I'm not meaning to, I just wanna stretch out as much as I can before the end*

"Wow, this takes me back."

Upon exiting the bus terminal, the group enters a makeshift checkpoint. Five large white tents lined the ends on the lot across from the building. By the looks of it, a whole bunch of stuff and beds were still inside them. Abandoned equipment, luggage, and maybe even some furniture. Or possibly all of the above.

Either way, this place was a disaster, abandoned by the humans. If she were to say, "abandoned by all", then she'd have to exclude that mouse she saw scampering across the lot. Animals don't count...right? They might technically be mammals, but not exactly human, so did she have the right to say they counted, or not to count them? Wildlife should be included, but she felt it wasn't right, considering they weren't affected by the virus, so maybe they didn't count.

Did she really want to count the animals?

Contemplating seemed futile; she decided as she stepped over a fallen strobe light pole. The soles of her sneakers crunched the brittle glass of the bulbs. This place, as deserted as it was, was not empty. Only abandoned by the humans, but not the animals who began to repopulate the area. The giraffes were just the beginning of a worldwide zoo.

She approached the closest tent, peering around inside, in hopes of finding supplies left behind.

"How so?" She heard Ellie ask Joel.

"It was right after everything went down," Joel replied, just before entering after Maeve. "I ended up in a triage just like this. Everywhere you looked, you just...saw families torn apart. The whole damn world seemed to have turned upside-down in a blink."

"Is that after you lost Sarah?"

"Yes, it was..."

Sarah. Her lips pressed together while she shuffled toward an empty med kit on a rusted silver table with wheels. If she remembered correctly, Sarah was Joel's daughter who was killed by a soldier on outbreak day. Surely, she made that connection before while they were at Tommy's. She brought her hands up, glancing at her palms. For no particular reason, she just stared at the crevices and natural lines criss-crossing and cutting across her skin. Past her hands, she caught a glimpse of her deformed reflection on the dust-caked and rust strewn table. Her heart took another leap for the sky. It certainly looked as much as she felt.

Ugly and broken.

"I...can't imagine losing someone you love like that," Ellie was soft-spoken and earnest. "Losing everything that you know. I'm sorry, Joel."

"That's okay, Ellie."

She zoned out for a minute. Maybe it was longer than a minute. If she knew the time, she would've lost track of it. She stared at her ugly reflection, sucked into a depth of silence, the world caving in around her while her eardrums adopted a white noise-like static.

A soft nudge brought her out of her thoughts, preventing them from consuming her completely.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" TJ's voice was low enough for only her to hear.

How many would he ask her that? Why did he worry about her? Couldn't he see she was clearly fine —

"No," her voice betrayed her, cracking. She could feel a painful lump beginning to form; she tried swallowing it down. "I'm here for Ellie and her only. I'll break afterward we're done here."

"That's not healthy." He stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What else is new?" She clenched her jaw and turned around to walk past him, not wanting to get into a therapy session with him. She'd get her turn of self-health whenever they finished the mission. Her PTSD would have to wait because Ellie was her top priority. She didn't care how unhealthy it was, she'd rather deny anything happened at all than cry it out and tell someone what almost changed her life more than it already had. Unfortunately, it was the most damaging thing to happen to her, topping Jordan's untimely death.

TJ saw her more vulnerable than she's allowed anyone to ever see her, aside from Jordan. She didn't particularly like that, but she couldn't help it. Her anxiety kept her from peace; a kind of peace normal people should be able to have after going through something bad...right? Normal people do that, right? They're not fazed by the things that happen to them or even the shit they've seen. Or was it something else entirely?

Is this what PTSD was like? Unable to get Adam's contorted and cruel face from her mind as straddled her, ready to rape her without a second thought because she pissed him off? There was never a second where she couldn't feel frozen phantom fingers clawing at her arms and thighs. Imaginary fingernails raked the flesh of her hip bone

She knew TJ was right. Her baggage was too much for her to bear. It was a burden on her mentality. It all comes down to the infamous "but" and some lame ass excuse. She felt Ellie needed her undivided attention because only God knows what the Fireflies will say and do when they get to them. She wasn't going to take a chance and lose Ellie.

And that was not an option she was willing to choose.

"Joel will understand if you need to rest." TJ stopped her, seizing her bicep. "Stop being so stubborn and breathe."

"Don't fucking touch me," Maeve growled and yanked her arm from his hold. "And don't act as if you care so much. Be honest, you only did what you had to do, because, without me and Ellie, you and Joel wouldn't get your damn payment."

"No, I— I've seen my fair share of breakdowns, and you're about to have one. It's not gonna be pretty."

"Tch!" Maeve rolled her eyes and made her way toward a bus blocking the road, not wanting to break. She felt too emotional, and that couldn't happen. Not now, not here. At the moment, she didn't care whether or not she hurt TJ's feelings, she just wanted to get away from him before he said something that made her want to punch him.

By the time she reached the overturned bus, Ellie had handed something to Joel. He seemed teary-eyed, but he shook himself. They had their own little conversation and it seemed more pleasing than the one TJ tried striking with her. Before anyone else can say more to her, she allowed herself to be the first one on the other side of the bus. Of course, she had to climb through its broken doors and windows to do that, and it ultimately caused the others to follow.