retrospective || riley hayes life's riddles fic

prototype 1 and prototype 2

tw//mentions of suicide & bullying

Riley comes off as kinda out of character here but Im just trying to make him belivably sound like the season one Riley so he's a bit edgy
riley pov
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"Riley," he smiled at me, but I could tell something was up. Everything had been "up" ever since her funeral. Her death seemed to have put a sort of strain on our friendship. We were growing distant, and that scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to lose our friendship; I wasn't ready for another major loss, not so soon anyway.

"Heya," I replied. Aiden stood in the doorway, which was strange because he'd usually invite himself right in. I sat on my bed. "You okay?" I asked. He looked guiltily at the floor. "I did a bad thing."

I leaned my head against the window. When my school- old school, now - said they were moving me to a school "more suited" I wasn't sure if it was an insult or a compliment. And I'm still not certain. Of course, I'd heard that the teaching staff were above average there, but I'd heard remarkably more about how terrible the school's reputation is.

High bullying rates and high student-drop-out rates were the main cause of the bad rep. They'd insisted they thought the teachers could do a better job accommodating me, since my work standard was way above that of everyone else's in my old school.

Okay, in my old school I didn't have friends, but I did have stuff going for me. Top-student, student-council, that kind of stuff. But on the other hand, I was also known as a 'nerd' and a 'loser'. I'm nervous to start fresh, but I suppose it'll be good. Everyone in my old school knew about Aiden, so it was a frequent subject while talking about me.

I don't want anyone to know about it here, in the new school. Complete fresh start, no more reminders.
Aiden's passing was years ago, but I'm never going to get over it. The 'oh him? He's the guy who's best friend offed himself''s really prevented me from concentrating on much else outside of school-work.

"Feeling nervous?" Dad asked me quietly. "I guess. Not really."
Me and dad have got really distant, he barely knows anything about me at this point. In his mind, I'm probably still the exact same person I was when I was little.

I try to be nice whenever I can, but I always seemed to be on edge. Anything could trigger me, even if just the smallest of jokes. I'm trying to get better, and it is kinda working, but sometimes I do just come off as mean.

"Drop me off here, I'll walk the rest of the way," I said to dad, who promptly pulled over. "Sure you're gonna be okay?" He asked me. I nodded. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm fifteen.

Starting near the end of the school year was a bit daft, but atleast I wouldn't be coming in September not knowing anyone. I had the whole summer to potentially make friends with people who go here.

I got out of the car, closing the door behind me. Dad wound down his window, "I love you, Riri."
I nodded, "love you too."

He smiled sadly, before driving off. I waited until he was out of sight to start walking. I hadn't packed much, since I'd only be there for two weeks, but I still had a whole suitcase to carry with me. The school, although boarding schools aren't that frequent here, has dorms. Each dorm has two students occupying it, and aren't required. Dad had suggested not renting a dorm, and just coming home instead, but I'd insisted on staying there.

The school was big. Very big. I knew it had to be big, to support student living quarters, but it was still a shock. Isn't it a waste to have such a low student-population in such a big building?

I stepped through the front door, looking around sheepishly. "Goodmorning!" A short friendly looking girl chirped next to me, "I'm Octavia, I give new students tours. Riley Hayes, right?"
"Yeah."
"Let's get your dorm key first and drop your stuff off.. usually people leave their belongings in in advance."