The silence in the house seemed alarming to him, not used to the lack of commotion that usually echoed throughout the halls. Izzie was finishing up on a shift and wouldn't be home for a while, and the twins were tucked into bed, leaving the only sound in the home to be the low, steady humming of a sitcom rerun on the TV.
The appeal drained after a while, and he eventually grew tired of laughter from the audience after nearly every line spoken. Mindless chatter was all it was and all it seemed to be.
Alex sighed, leaning into the couch's cushions and pulling out his phone, dialing Meredith's number once he saw that he had missed her call only minutes before. He waits a few seconds, the droning of the beeps making him anxious for a reason he couldn't place. Eventually, Meredith picks up, her voice slightly out of breath, which he only assumes could come from finishing a long day of work.
"Alex! How are you?"
He gets up from his place on the couch, taking his conversation onto the front porch, settling onto the swing that hung in the corner. "I'm good Mer, I'm good," he says, directing his gaze to the end of the road, where a car went by, headlights being one of the only forms of light besides the dim street lamps.
"How are the kids?" he asks, feeling a sense of nostalgia at the fact that he hadn't seen his niece or nephews in months. He missed them, more than he would admit. He had been there for everything, everything graduation, every dance, every school play, he had been there.
But he had his own kids to tend to now, and he wouldn't trade that for anything.
(not trade, but make some changes. he lost that opportunity a long time ago though)
"They're good. Zola is driving Bailey crazy with how much she's correcting his homework, when all he wants to do is go play on his XBox. Ellis is hating distance learning, complaining that all she wants to do is see her friends, but what else is new. Zola loves it, not surprisingly. She thinks school is even easier than it was before, the only part she misses is talking to her friends, but she calls them and everything, so she doesn't see too much harm. She's started staying after class to help other kids with her teachers. Amelia and I have been teasing her non-stop about being a kiss-up, but she loves it. If she decides to switch careers I wouldn't doubt that she would be a teacher," she says, and he can hear the car door slam shut and the rumble of the car's engine coming to life.
He laughs softly, "We both know that that's not gonna happen. Zo would rather get into a bear fight before giving up on being a surgeon."
Meredith hums, "That's true. The thought of being anything else almost is offensive to her," she laughs. "The other day I made an offhand comment about a lawyer being a fun career for her because of how much she loves to argue, and she went into a five minute lecture on why she was going to be a neurosurgeon."
Alex smiles, practically able to see the image of Zola telling her mom off for suggesting she be anything other than a surgeon. "That sounds about right. I learned that lesson a long time ago."
There are a couple of beats of silence, the only thing he can hear is the crickets chirping in the distance and the faint sounds of cars racing around in the background.
"They miss you, you know," Meredith finally speaks, her tone dropping slightly to let him know how sincere her words were.
He lets out a heavy breath, "I miss them too Mer," the crickets continue their noise, and images of what his life used to be seem to filter through his mind. An endless loop, dancing in his head of a life he once used to live, but could no longer say he knew.
"Well," she breaks him away from his thoughts, "When all this is over, you're due for a visit, okay?"
He nods, even though she can't see him. "Long overdue," he agrees. "So, what's been going on over at Seattle Grace Mercy Death?"
She fills him in on the latest events of the hospital, how everyone was adjusting to their new realities, the newest batch of interns, and patients that had stuck out more than others.
It was a funny thing that he didn't realize until a while ago, somehow patients at Grey-Sloan had stuck with him more than the ones where he currently was.
"And Jo—" she starts, but cuts herself off, piquing his interest. Jo hadn't come up in any other of their conversations, for reasons that didn't really need to be said aloud.
He bites the inside of his cheek, releasing and giving himself the courage to finally ask about her. She never left his mind, so he couldn't see the harm in asking about her —an opportunity to clear the part of his brain that was on a constant track of her if he was able to know how she was.
"It's fine Mer, you can talk about her," he says, running a hand through his hair.
He can hear her sigh, and can practically imagine the head shake she is giving him right then "Not about this, Alex."
He perks up immediately, "Is she okay? I need you to tell me if she's not okay Mer," he demanded, his voice firm, only a trace of worry present if anyone were to listen closely.
(he felt like Elsa, conceal don't feel)
"What? No," she scoffs. "Jo's fine, though I don't really think you have the right to care about how she is anymore Alex, considering you're the one that left her," she scolds him, and he can hear the disappointment in her voice, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
He lets out a heavy breath, trying to fight back the urge to explain himself to her, which would end up in a loud argument of why he shouldn't have done what he had. He'd had it before, and each time it sent him to bed with all the what if's playing out in the forefront of his mind.
Except he didn't live a life of what if's, he was living a life of right now.
"I know Mer," he can hear the heaviness in his words, and she must too, since she relents her lecture on him, and he knows that it'll just come up at another time.
"She's sleeping with Jackson," she says it so casually that he almost thinks that she's joking, but realizes that she's not when she stays silent.
"...Oh."
"Yeah."
He can feel the tenseness of the air, even though they are thousands of miles apart. He clears his throat after a few minutes have passed. "Are they together, or...?" he trails off, unsure of how he's supposed to feel.
He left her. He left her. He left her. He wants to say that he's upset that she's already moved on, but there he was, sleeping in the same bed as his ex-wife and raising their children together, all while they were still married. He couldn't really have an opinion, because he was the one who ended their relationship in the most cowardly way possible, through a letter sent in the mail, not even giving her the courtesy to tell her the truth to her face.
"No, they're doing a friends with benefits sort of thing."
He nods, trying to think of something to say. "Is she happy?" he settles on.
"Not like she once was, but I think she's getting back there."
The ache in his heart grows a bit more, because some selfish part of him wants her to only be able to be happy with him, as unfair and cruel as it is. But he smiles bitterly, and the larger part of him is happy for her, happy that she is finally able to have someone make her laugh and smile again.
The sight of headlights coming up the driveway breaks him away from his own mind, and he knows this conversation will have to be finished at another time.
"You did this to yourself Alex," she says, as if she knows exactly what he's thinking.
"I know."
They both hang up, and he greets Izzie with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, wishing that the woman he was curled up on the couch with was someone else.
But it wasn't, because he made his choice, and now he had to face the reality of a life he chose to live.
____
i've been too lazy to update my fics onto here, so i have two more that i need to add onto here, so expect some more updates!follow me on tumblr at @ pagingevilspawn !
